


be nice (to me)

by readytobebolder



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (mention) of Self-Harm, Alternate Universe - College/University, Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Mollymauk, Casual Sex, Current Abuse (mentions, Depressed Caleb, Depression, Friends With Benefits, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Punk Music, Recreational Drug Use, This is probably going to be sad, Trans Character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, blood mention, in this house we recognice mental illnesses and try and live with them healthily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-14 06:11:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readytobebolder/pseuds/readytobebolder
Summary: Classes started in the middle of August. Molly smokes when he's alone and Caleb doesn't sleep much.The two meet in October.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so, I'm depressed and Be Nice To Me by the Front Bottoms is a good song. 
> 
> This is a college AU that just... yeah. It'll be good to write for me. Don't expect much, I'm not good at writing. I just needed to write it.

There's a cat on the building.

Molly knows because the sneaky little fucker enters his apartment like it's easy—which, well, it probably is, what with his usual habit of leaving open the window of his bedroom. He likes the cold, enjoys it, especially in this side of the Empire. Winters are mild and summers are scorching at best, just the way he adores.

So when he lies in bed, smoke filling the empty space of his head, and he feels two tiny little paws on his leg, he doesn't jump. Much.

Much.

The cat lacks a name.

"Hey there," he rumbles lowly, hand moving from his pillow to the little furry thing, scratching under his chin until he feels the telltale vibrations of his delightful purr. "You've been gone for a while. Busy?"

Mrrreow, the creature responds, curling up on his chest, not minding at all the smoke from his joint. It's probably bad for the cat, Molly thinks dully, but he takes another drag and looks at the ceiling as he blows it out.

"Yeah, me too," he lies.

In truth, Mollymauk Tealeaf has nothing to do.

Oh, well, maybe he should go to class, right? That'd be a smart thing to do. Gustav isn't paying for much, since tieflings have now that one law that has a ridiculous amount of numbers to its name. So he doesn't feel too guilty as he lays in bed for an hour. Or two. Or thirteen.

Wait, when was the last time he left his bed?

He hisses as he feels claws upon his scarred chest and he rolls his eyes, unlodging the cat's paws from his purple skin. "Don't be rude," he mumbles, finally taking a last hit of his joint before leaving it on the ashtray.

Molly stands, feels dizzy with hunger and oh, yeah, it's been like, two days. He should eat something.

He places the cat over his shoulders, like a scarf, like he usually does, and when he enters the kitchen he winces at the smell. Yeah, he should take out the trash—October is still hot when it's just started and he needs to take care of his goddamn apartment before Yasha comes back and whips his ass into place.

"I guess I'm lucky you woke me up," he hums as he starts cleaning. The creature leaps on top of his counter and watches him as he cleans around, shirtless and dirty, red eyes more tired than the usual. His tail moves around and Molly starts to feel his gaze like a weight, making him sigh. "Hey!" He snaps at the cat, whose blue eyes are trained on him firmly. "If I wanted you to judge me, I would've put a collar around your neck, yeah? Leave me alone."

The cat lets out another sound, rubs against the corner of his fridge and jumps to another counter, still watching him as he loads up the tiny dishwasher Jester got him for his supposed birthday. Bless her, honestly.

Once the kitchen is clean, he grabs from his fridge the number of a Tabaxi place right outside of campus, ordering something quick. He's too tired, too high and too depressed to care for proper, homecooked food. He isn't any good at cooking anyway.

Molly then sighs again, hanging up, watching the cat. His eyes are a more vibrant blue than before and he feels his shoulders sag.

"You probably belong to someone else, going by your eyes," he murmurs, strangely sad about it as the cat stays still. "Yeah, I recognize a familiar, fucker. Get your cat off my house," he snaps, and then he blinks and the cat's leaving through the kitchen window.

He doesn't bother to close it behind him.

And maybe he should've. Maybe he should care more about some fucking stranger spying on his ass through a godsdamned cat. Maybe he should care. Maybe he should—

He should care about a lot of things. But he doesn't.

"Ding dong!" He hears behind his door before it slams open, way too hard, making him wince as a familiar blue tiefling walks in with plastic bags full of Tabaxi food cartons. Great. She paid for his food again. Godsdamn Jester. "It's Friday, Molly! Where areeee you?" She giggles until she sees him in the kitchen. Ah, yes. He's a disaster. "Molly?"

"Hey, Jester," he attempts an smile and walks over to her, taking the plastic bags from her hands. "Why'd you pay?"

"Are you high again?" She pokes at his eye and he groans, batting her hand away. "Molly!"

"Yes," he rolls his bloodred eyes, starting to take out some forks for her and him. Might as well share.

"You get sad when you smoke alone," she says softly, eyes worried, her arms wrapping around his middle. "If you had Yasha, then I wouldn't mind but..."

"Yasha's away," he hums. "And I smoke when I want. You can't stop me."

"Oh, I know," she rolls her eyes, then grins. "Guess what!"

"What, dear?"

"I got partnered up with Fjord on Heavy Weapons Training!" She squeals and he winces at the shrill sound before laughing. She's bouncing on her heels, giggling loudly. "He's so dreamy, Molly! He's just like Oskar!"

"Oh, God, is your obsession with him related to that awful book?" He laughs.

Jester gasps, punching his arm—which, ow, she's strong so it fucking hurts. "Take that back! Tusk Love is amazing!"

"Yes, yes, dear, of course it is," he kisses her forehead, then places a fork on her hand. "Come on. Let's eat, I'm starving."

Jester follows him into his pathetic living room, sitting next to him on the tiny couch as she babbles about her classes, her roommate Beau and how today the Traveller apparently got her into trouble that sent her laughing way too hard in the middle of class. Molly listens to her and smiles despite feeling his stomach turn and churn. He's eating. He's talking with a friend. He's out of bed. This is good, right?

This is—

Good.

It's a first step. 


	2. i've got boulders on my shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Face to face. At least, for Molly.

It's a _miserable_ day outside.

  
Caleb walks into the building soaked to the bone, his steps making a disgusting squelching sound as he drags himself towards the elevator with the only intent to get to his apartment, take off his clothes and sleep for the rest of the day. Week. Possibly the entire _fucking_ month.

  
Because his groceries are _wet_. Long live Wildemount, apparently, where brown paper bags are issued around because people don't know what saving and reusing plastic bags means. He's gritting his teeth and he wants his cat and he's cold and his classes today were utter bullshit and -

  
Great. Elevator isn't working.

  
Caleb lets out a groan and slams his forehead against the wall of the structure for a second, thinking that he could just... stay here. Forever. Probably be consumed by his apathy and lack of motivation until he just floats away and becomes a ghost hunting the building. Students of University Soltryce of the Dwendalian Empire will speak of him to scare Freshmen. He'll just sit and pet people's cats and maybe throw a lamp or two on the floor. That sounds nice, right?

  
"Um... hello?"

  
_Of course._

"The elevator's broken, I think," a voice which sounds vaguely familiar tells him. Masculine. Caleb's brain is too fried to try and make the connection so he looks to his right to see who is talking to the soaking, pathetic figure banging their head against the elevator walls when he sees - yeah, no. Fuck that. Fuck this.

" _Ja_ , I noticed," he says dryly after a second of looking at him, then flushes as the tiefling laughs, his jewelry ringing out as they move around his horns. "I'll get out."

  
"I mean, if you wanna stay there, be my guest, but you're looking wet as a dog caught in the rain," he grins as Caleb steps out, avoiding the blood red eyes of the man beside him - he just can't look him in the face.

  
Not after yesterday.

  
"Do you need help?" clawed hands move to his groceries but Caleb quickly presses the brown bags to his chest and steps back, heart beating frantically like a rabbit's.

  
"Nein. I'm fine. I'm -"

The sound they make as they fall to the floor is atrocious enough that he closes his eyes, cursing his luck and, again, brown bags for groceries. He hears the mild giggle coming from his new acquaintance and, resigned, he lets his shoulders sag.

  
"Maybe I could use some help," he mumbles, eyes watching the ruined eggs on the floor of the fucking hallway. _Money well-spent_ , he thinks bitterly.

  
"Gladly," and this time a claw catches a can of Frumpkin's wet food and, together, they manage to lift and clean the mess he's made of his life. His dignity. In front of his neighbor who apparently helps people for the sake of it.

  
Or maybe he knows he's been spying on him through his fucking cat. Who knows.

  
It's not as if it'd been intentional, Caleb sulks as he climbs up the stairs, said neighbor trailing behind him and talking about something as trivial as elevator problems through the month. At first it'd been to make sure Frumpkin wasn't getting into any trouble in the Material Plane, since his professor had assured him that familiars liked to explore it. When he'd found a half-naked man smoking by a window, smiling fondly at him – at his cat - he'd been... hesitant to let go of those moments.

  
That had been in August.

Now it was October, and yesterday Mollymauk Tealeaf, as Caleb had learned through the past three months, had kicked Frumpkin out when he'd realized he wasn't quite a stray. How embarrassing, to have been caught essentially spying on someone without their consent. Caleb wasn't usually like that, it's just - well, it's only that, ah...

  
He looks back at Mollymauk, eyes caught on the stretch of skin exposed by the open buttons of his blouse, scars shining brightly.

  
He'd been bleeding when he'd first seen him.

  
"Is this your apartment?"

  
Caleb snaps out of his inner musings, eyes raising to meet Mollymauk's amused gaze. He has an eyebrow cocked, his eyeliner - he'd thought it was black but now he can see it's an electric blue. Deep blue. He's wearing lipstick as well today.

  
Caleb's seen him without it. And with more of it. And with it smeared all over his lips and—fuck, he's not responding, he better -

"Yes," he rasps, standing there like a fucking idiot. "Yes, this is my apartment."

  
"Third floor, I envy you," Mollymauk groans as Caleb takes out his keys, hand slightly shaking. Whatever, he can blame it on being soaked from head to toe. "I live on the seventh. Door A, if you ever wanna come chat."

  
"I'll keep that in mind," Caleb says as if he were thinking of anything but. But he will. Oh, he will.

  
The door opens and Caleb thanks the Changebringer or the Moonweaver or whoever sick fuck is up there that Frumpkin doesn't rush to him today, his sigh perhaps too loud but it could be disguised by the comfort that home brings after being stuck in the rain for so long.

  
"Be careful, there's a pile of books there - and there and there as well," Caleb warns, wanting to get rid of the tiefling man soon. Possibly before he realizes his familiar is the cat he's been telling his secrets to for the past few weeks.

  
" _Wow_ , yeah, that's a lot of books," he hears as he refuses to look over his shoulder, leaving his groceries on the counter and trying to control his breathing. "Here - nice kitchen, looks much better than mine."

  
"Thank you," he forces himself to be polite more than jittery - but Caleb's a mess, eyes darting around the floor instead of looking at the tiefling.

  
"You're absolutely welcome," he hears. Maybe there's a smile but he's seen it before, when it was real, and he doesn't want a fake one. "I better leave. Got things to do."

  
" _Ja_ ," he nods, swallowing. "Bye. Thank you, again."

"It was no trouble at all...?"

  
There's a beat of silence. Caleb swallows again, this time with a dry throat, as he realizes Mollymauk is asking for his name. He breathes in, thinks hard about it, then thinks he looks pathetic, probably. So he looks up and finally meets brilliant red eyes with his own deep blue ones.

  
And _fuck_ , is it devastating to see his wide smile when just a few weeks ago he'd heard from that very same man _"What if I just disappeared?"_

"Caleb," he responds quietly, swallowing. "Caleb Widogast."

"Caleb Widogast," Mollymauk repeats and the human has to repress a shudder. "Well, I'm Mollymauk Tealeaf! Molly to my friends, which you apparently are now! I'm majoring in Witchcraft and minoring in Illusion."

  
"Transmutation and Conjuration," Caleb reponds, starting to get more and more nervous as he hears voices outside in the hallway. "Minoring in Evocation."

  
"Oh, wow, that's a lot," his eyes wide and he leans in a little and -

  
"Please," Caleb wheezes out, his hand pushing at Mollymauk's chest. "My space - I - I'm sorry if I'm being rude but I -"

  
"No, no, I understand! Sorry I got all up in your bubble," his smile, again, is crushing to Caleb, who has a burning behind his eyes from shame. Spying on him, you've been spying on this man, have you no shame, Widogast? "I better leave you be. Again, if you need me, you know where to find me!"

  
Mollymauk Tealeaf, major in witchcraft and extravagant purple tiefling waves his hand as he struts out of his apartment, tail swishing behind him and who the fuck wears trousers with two different patterns? Apparently, Mollymauk.

Apparently, someone who can steal his breath away, Caleb thinks miserably as he hears his front door being closed.

"I'm fucked," he mumbles just as Frumpkin jumps into the house from the living room window, meowing at him. "And it's all your fault."

  
He tries to ignore his familiar as he leaps up the counter and noses the wet groceries, then his hand. Then Caleb realizes way too late that he's already petting his chubby little friend and he's feeling better by the second because of it.

  
"I could never be mad at you," he whispers miserably, scratching him under his chin, sighing. "But you did get me into a lot of trouble, ja? That man means trouble with his... shiny jewelry and heavy makeup and..." He sighs again, deeper, hand falling to his wet side.

  
His thoughts race, way too fast to even catch them. Yet he forces himself to trudge to the bathroom, peel off his clothes and take a shower. He does curl up on the floor for a little while, as long as his money allows, then wraps himself in a towel and sits in his bed for what feels like five minutes but probably is about an hour, if the sound by the front door means that Nott is home.

  
And yes, she is, calling out to him. His little goblin friend sounds worried when he finally leaves his room and finds his wet hair but calms upon seeing him in comfortable, dry clothing.

"How was work?" He asks, ruffling her hair before starting to put groceries where they should be, pouring Frumpkin some food on his bowl.

  
"Boring!" She says in that shrill voice of hers. "But! I managed to not break or steal anything! So my manager says I can stay! Isn't that great, Caleb?" She grins, sitting upon the tall stool he got her once they decided to live together.

"That is indeed great," he smiles at her, a true and genuine smile. He feels relieved upon hear the news. Nott is not very good at keeping jobs. "I had a bit of a bad day, so I'll turn in as soon as we eat dinner."

  
"Did something happen? Did you see that annoying girl again? I'll cut her up!" Nott starts fiercely, eyes blazing, and Caleb soon tries to calm her down.

  
"Nein, no, my friend, Beau is a good friend. She's good. It was just the rain, I... I dislike being under it instead of under a roof," he explains. "And classes were boring. Basic. That's all."

  
"Alright," she sniffles, settling more calmly. "But if anything happens, just tell me, okay?"

  
"Okay," he smiles, reaching out to squeeze her little green hand.

By Pelor, does he adore Nott.

  
It's easy to let her distract him, which is good. She talks about working with an insane blue tiefling, who apparently gets into all sorts of trouble and about the strange people who walk into the shop. Caleb works in another shop, not a bookshop but a place for antiques. Yet it's only on weekends and his pay is minimal. He's on a scholarship, which is good on good days.

  
On bad days, he remembers why he has it.

  
And on really bad days, he has to pay up for it.

  
Nott babbles on for a while and Caleb makes dinner, the sound of rain soothing him little by little along with the shrill tone of a small goblin and the background purring of his familiar. It's... calm. Warm. Caleb starts to feel more lethargic.

Maybe he's just tired.

  
_"Maybe I'm just tired of pretending I don't care."_

  
"Caleb?"

  
He blinks, eyes focusing on Nott, who has her hand on his arm. Oh, okay, his hands are shaking and there's water on the floor. He dropped his glass.

  
"I'm okay," he whispers, patting her hand. "I better just... go to bed."

  
He can't stop thinking about it, won't stop thinking about him.

"Okay, you go ahead," she says, dropping to the floor to hug his middle tight. "G'night."

"Night," he pats her head and snaps his fingers so Frumpkin goes to him, following his familiar into the reclusive room.

  
The rain sounds louder and Caleb doesn't know why as he falls on his bed and thinks hard, feeling his throat clog up with feelings he doesn't understand. If he'd told Nott, she'd think it was a crush but it's not a crush, it's, it's, it's -

  
_"Molly, you haven't left your room in three days, what the hell's wrong?!"_

  
_"I don't know! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, okay?!"_

Jesus fuck, it's empathy.

He knows how he feels, he knows that deep well within your chest, the groaning hole that just gets bigger and bigger the better you get, the more you go to therapy, the more you realize how truly fucked up you are. It's the horrible things you've done to others swallowing you up and drowning you within the guilt you've been burying, not knowing that it would eventually crumble the ground beneath your feet, it's -

"I'm depressed and it's okay," he croaks, curling up in his bed.

Frumpkin meows.

  
The rain's loud because his window is open.

  
And he feels guilty because he wants to share his sadness with someone who could understand.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna follow something or whatever, I'm on tumblr as @readytobebolder
> 
> Like, ask me about this fic if you want but know it probably isn't going anywhere definite.


	3. collarbones begin to crack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update for so long, I was moving and exams and... yeah. Bullshit stuff. Here's chapter 2.
> 
> Beta'ed by @rebornfromseas
> 
> Thank you boo

“Do I wanna know…” Molly breathes, not even attempting to properly imitate the high-pitched voice coming from his speakers as his toes curl and his eyelids flutter in pleasure. His hands moves leisurely, forgetting the hurry for the impending orgasm, simply pleasuring himself slowly with the intention of indulging while he's on a good state of mind. Healthy, almost.

“ _Nnng_ , ah!” Molly gasped, cock jumping as he struck that wonderful spot, immediately turning on the vibrator only to cry out from the couch, squirming as his arousal increased and his moan echoed through the walls. “Fu - _uck_!”

His feet kick at the cushions, spreading his legs, lifting one over the backrest, his hands moving faster, breaths sharpening, moans going higher as he almost -

_Crash!_

Molly yelps, falling off the couch, vibrator dropping and buzzing away on the floor as he groans at the pain on his hips where he's hit the coffee table. The record stops, needle sliding through it as the table is almost tipped.

Now, this is _bullshit_.

“The fuck?” He spits out, standing, his dick softening as he opens a window and looks down, where the crash came from.

There isn't anything abnormal, but the crash came from within the building. Down a few floors - _fucking loud enough_ to cut his little selfish time.

He fails to see the ginger curls of a cat’s tail rushing inside another open window.

“Guess my me time is over,” Molly scowls, moving to grab his underwear from the floor where he's left it.

The lace feels nice against his dick but he ignores it, not in the mood anymore. He fixes the table, picks up the rest of his clothes and changes the record from AM to Talon of the Hawk from the Front Bottoms. He doesn't bother to dress further.

It's Friday, he doesn't have classes to worry about, Yasha is still missing and the only company he used to have doesn't show up anymore - mainly because he told the orange tabby to fuck off and he's pretty sure someone was looking into his life without permission. But the thing is that, well -

Molly’s alone.

Which is _dangerous_.

He'd tried to be horny instead of sad, and it's not working anymore, even as he fiddles with the black lace of his panties, pouting while leaning into the wall. There's no ice cream, either. He doesn't feel like making a movie. And if he thinks about how much he has to write into his Book of Shadows he'll cry.

He has to do something.

Molly dresses - picks a simple blouse, doesn't do his makeup and pulls on some skinny jeans as takes his keys and gets the fuck out of his apartment.

As he slowly (very slowly, one step at a time) lowers the stupid stairs of the apartment complex, he feels proud. Look at him! Doing _something_ instead of wallowing in self-pity, going _outside_ even! Yasha would be proud.

Feeling proud makes him feel awful, though, so he takes out his phone and fiddles with it to distract himself.

He reaches the third floor just as door C is opened and out stumbles that ridiculously cute guy from last week, the one who had his groceries spread all over the floor.

“Oh, hi!” Molly grins, rushing to him.

His salvation - a _person_. Someone to talk to, to interact!

Caleb jumps, eyes wide as he looks at Molly as if he's seen a ghost, stumbling, tripping on his feet. His face is red, clashing horribly against his hair. It's frankly adorable, Molly thinks, and he hopes Caleb’s flustered because of him.

“M-Mollymauk. Hello,” he stutters, eyes darting everywhere but his eyes, hands buried on the pockets of his horrid coat. “What, um, what a lovely day it is.”

Molly cocks an eyebrow, looking out the window to see the wild wind and the incoming clouds. Caleb seems to realize his mistake and his shoulders move upwards, trying to hide his already thin frame into something smaller.

By the Moonweaver, this guy is cute.

“I mean - uh…” Caleb looks to the stairs, probably for an exit, and Molly can't help but giggle slightly. Caleb rubs his face and groans. “I'm pathetic.”

“No, darling, you're not, you're cute,” Molly flirts, stepping forward. “Have any plans this afternoon?”

“N-not really,” he mumbles, eyes locked on his clavicle instead of, again, his eyes. “I… I was going outside for some components.”

“Lovely! Mind if I join you? I'm in need to some ink!” the tiefling smiles, flicking off some dirt from the lapel of Caleb’s coat.

“Aren't you busy?” He flushes, cheeks still dark as could be, eyes wide. “It's Friday.”

“Well, yes, so?” he hums.

Caleb frowns at his neck. “Well, I thought… I mean, someone like you…”

“Someone like me?” Molly grins, stepping forward before retracting, remembering Caleb doesn't like people all up in his space. “What do you mean by that?”

“N-nevermind,” Caleb quickly replies, hiding half his face on his scarf. “I'd - I am very boring. You wouldn't want to come with me. I like boring books and boring things.”

“Well, I have no idea what you're into, but maybe we could find something in common,” Molly suggests, one of his hands settling on his own hip as he cocks it.

“I don't -”

“But if you want to go on your own and you want me to stop bothering you, you can also say it,” Molly says much more gently, a small smile on his face. His heart thumps as Caleb’s blue, blue, _impossibly blue eyes_ snap to his own red ones and _wow_ , are they blue. Molly feels himself melt a little.

Pretty faces have always been his weakness.

“No, it's not that,” Caleb tells him softly, almost a whisper as he rubs his arm with a shy look on his face. “I'm just - boring. You'll find yourself with nothing interesting in your afternoon.”

“How about we find out?”

Caleb thinks.

Molly watches his face as he does it, chewing on his lower lip before mumbling something in Zemnian, sighing.

“Alright. But don't say I didn't warn you,” the man sighs, then lets out a little smile as Molly claps like a high school kid and rushes to his side, lowering the stairs. “I do not understand why you're so excited to come buy components with me. I've been told I'm rather dull.”

“With that accent? Darling, no,” Molly laughs, delighting in how Caleb reacts to his praise. He realizes, through the blush on the human’s cheeks, that he has _freckles_. “If it makes you feel any better, people tend to say I'm annoying.”

“I wonder why,” Caleb throws a smirk his way and Molly laughs again, stepping outside of the building followed by the wizarding student. “So! Which shop is it you're going to?”

“I usually go to Jafhas Street, but the shop recently closed due to issues with the Xhorhas trade,” Caleb sighs, slightly annoyed. “So I'm afraid I'll have to go to 3G.”

“Oh! Well, I'm good friends with the owner,” Molly smiles. “So don't worry too much about the price.”

“It's not the price, it's -” Caleb lets out a little noise of distress. “I've always seen it crawling with people. I… I don't like crowds.”

Molly lets the silence sit between them comfortably for a second before he shrugs and says gently, “I don't, either.”

Caleb frowns, “Really? You… you seem like an extrovert.”

“I am,” he replies, smiling at the redhead. “But I dislike large crowds. They fire up my anxiety and -”

“You've anxiety,” Caleb deadpans, eyes untrusting. “Medical? I mean, how do you say -”

“I'm not self diagnosed,” Molly tells him, slightly annoyed. “I do have anxiety. And bipolar disorder, if you must know. And yes, the Big Bad Doctor told me so.”

Caleb flushes, eyes darting to the floor as Molly lifts an eyebrow at him.

“F-forgive me,” he murmurs, accent thick. “I just - I've seen mental illness thrown around lightly. I didn't know if it'd be genuine.”

"I agree, I'm just as sick of it being thrown around," Molly feels a bit better as he looks at his newfound friend.  "I take it you've got your own things?"

“Mild autism,” he whispers. “And, um, anxiety as well as depression.”

“That's a bunch, must be a bitch to take care of, I'm sorry,” Molly offers.

“Don't be, it is what it is,” Caleb shrugs.

“Well, could I ask what does your autism entail? I would rather know so I don't accidentally touch you, give you a fabric you dislike or say something insensitive,” Molly tries.

Caleb curls inward slightly as he hears Molly speak and, for a moment, the tiefling thinks he's done something wrong until he sees the little smile on Caleb’s face.

“Don't like, force yourself into my space? If I walk into yours, it's fine, but not backwards,” Caleb explains as they turn a street and Molly nods, making mental notes. “I _hate_ chiffon. It's scratchy. Fuck it,” he frowns and Molly grins because this guy gets only cuter and cuter. “Um, no eye contact? I'll go non-verbal if you force me to it.”

“Got it,” he nods, already thinking of talking to Yasha about all of this. She's different, of course, but she may have more insight than Molly.

“I… I disassociate sometimes,” he adds slowly, eyes moving sporadically to Molly, then to the floor, then to Molly and back to the floor.

“Oh, really? What kind are you? Because I'm the kind that puts jam on my phone and shoves the TV remote on the dishwasher,” Molly chuckles, then feels his heart swell as Caleb’s face lights up.

“By Pelor, really?” He laughs, and loudly. It's sort of a wheezy thing and Molly already loves it. “I just stare at a wall for hours, not even blinking!”

“I bet you've scared some people with that,” Molly giggles. “I know my friends wonder why the hell I'm vacuuming the living room with the vacuum turned off.”

“Used to scare my mother half to death, she'd walk in and go _Caleb! How long have you been there?! What's in the wall?!_ ”

Molly laughs loudly, shaking his head, and _wow_ , Caleb has an amazing smile. The thin Zemnian man is laughing as well and his eyes shine. They're _so blue_.

“Bet your mother got used to it eventually,” Molly chuckles, then stops as Caleb’s laughter subsides and his hands tighten into fists. Oh no.

“She didn't,” he murmurs before coughing, stepping ahead. “Come on. It's right around the corner.”

Molly curses in Infernal under his breath and follows Caleb, wanting to apologize but knowing that it would probably make things worse.

He knows that a lot of parents don't take autism well. Looking at Yasha and at a few others he's met that are within the spectrum, he knows that most are horrified and reclutant.

He just wishes Caleb hadn't stopped smiling.

“Here we are,” Molly breathes as they stop in front of the luxurious and frankly _amazing_ shop. The sign is purple, letters in gold. A flamboyant unicorn hangs to the side. “Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. Let's go.”

The shop _is_ indeed crowded when they walk in, so Molly makes sure to take the brunt of it as he shoulders people, uncaring of the glares as long as Caleb’s fine. He thinks he can handle people better than him and, if not, it's fine. It's not harming anyone.

“Mollymauk? Dear, is that you?” A voice drifts over to him and Molly finds himself grinning, looking over.

And there he is, the man of the hour. Purple robes, golden jewelry, and a grumpy half-elf beside him wearing all black and a feather cloak.

“Shaun! Hi, you look _fantastic_!” He says, hugging him.

“Thank you, dear, and you look much better than the last time I saw you - who's that?” He grins wide as he sees Caleb, whose eyes have drifted to a shelf but he's moving closer and closer to Molly, looking distressed.

“Caleb Widogast. He's a friend. Caleb?” Molly turns to him and the human snaps his eyes to the tiefling, the to Gilmore, then to Gilmore’s forehead. “This is Shaun. He's he owner.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Gilmore grins. “Anything in particular that you're looking for?”

“Incense. Of great quality,” he replies and his hand curls tightly in Molly’s blouse as a genasi brushes past him. Molly wants to hold him and assure him but he won't do anything that Caleb doesn't initiate.

“I've lots of that. Follow me,” he winks, turning around. Molly follows and Caleb steps beside him, hand falling away.

Molly finds himself wishing he'd keep it there.

Caleb goes with Gilmore, eventually plunging himself into the items on the shop and leaves Molly behind, which is fine by Molly, really, because Caleb looks comfortable and hey, he's surrounded by people. There's Vax'ildan, the grumpy half-elf he knows from Religious Course, Caleb a few steps away from him, Sherri the employee, people he doesn't know! All around him, people people people -

Why the fuck does he feel alone?

His heart shrinks a little as time passes and he peruses the shelves, tries to establish conversation with the half-elf, then regrets it when he's patronized twice.

People leave. Caleb stays, thumbs through a few books. And Mollymauk doesn't want to bother him.

“So tell me, Molly,” Shaun walks over to him, finally free, his arm moving around Vax'ildan. “How have you been?”

“Good,” he lies through his teeth, smiling wide. “Things have been good - busy.”

“How's your memory?” this time there's gentleness to his voice.

“Well, blank as always,” he laughs it off.

He doesn't notice Vax'ildan's strange look. He _does_ notice Caleb’s hand pausing as he reaches for another book. He curses within as Shaun starts to ask if he'd like anything else, a hand or a job at the shop, that of _course_ Molly could have it, that Gustav and him have been friends for a while and if his adoptive father wants -

“Well, I suppose it's time to go,” Molly interrupts as Caleb walks over, eyes firmly trained on Molly’s shoulder. “It was lovely to see you.”

“You too,” he smiles, shouting as the tiefling and human exit the shop. “And don't forget to tell others about Gilmore's Glorious Goods!”

“He was…” Caleb clicks his tongue. “Extravagant.”

“Not more than me,” Molly laughs, trying to ease up the anxiety rising. “What… what did you hear?”

“Do you want me to lie?”

“Please.”

“I heard nothing.”

“Oh,” Molly swallows. “Good.”

The rest of their walk is silent. And not the good kind. Mollymauk thinks himself stupid, thinks he would've rather end up home, alone and depressed, than insomniac because of anxiety.

“It was… an interesting day,” Caleb finally says, about five minutes from their apartment complex.

“Truly,” Molly says dryly.

It starts to rain.

“Shit,” the tiefling groans, seeing how Caleb tries to protect his new books immediately. “Wait, no, let me -”

His coat is off before he even thinks about it, leaving him in his simple blouse. Despite Caleb’s protests, Molly can see the grateful look in his eyes, and he's soaked to the bone by the time they reach the door.

“You're wet,” Caleb states as they rush inside, hair plastered to his pale, freckled face.

“Well, yes, it _is_ raining outside, darling, I don't know if you noticed,” Molly laughs, wringing his blouse, which by now is nearly transparent. He sees Caleb’s eyes dart around his scars and feels a pang of shame and embarrassment.  “I better get home and change.”

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb swallows, nodding.

The two enter the staircase, since the elevator is _still_ broken, and Molly is pretty sure that he's fucked up this whole thing somehow. He keeps playing and replaying in his mind their conversations and thinks about how shitty he feels and then realizes that he has a little crush on this dirty bookworm and he wants to get to know him better.

Caleb probably wants nothing to do with him.

“This is your stop,” Molly manages to smile as they reach the third floor. “Thank you for letting me tag along.”

“Thank you for the discount,” Caleb replies and Molly is almost able to mask his flinch. Caleb doesn't seem to notice his fluke so he nods, waves and climbs up the stairs as fast as he can.

His eyes burn. His eyes always fucking burn. Why is he such a fucking crybaby? Why can't he take events like a normal fucking person and stop taking everything as a personal -

“Yasha!” He chokes as he sees his best friend at the door, about to open it.

The Aasimar turns to him, surprised as Molly launches himself into her arms, sobbing.

“Oh, Molly,” she sighs as he cries. “Who broke your heart this time?"


	4. there is very little left of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'ed. Because I'm impatient.
> 
> So sorry I didn't update, there were exams and then depressive state kicked in and I still haven't got officially diagnosed so hahahahaha no solution there.
> 
> If you wanna support me, go to my Tumblr, pls (readytobebolder.tumblr.com)
> 
> Also, thanks everyone who commented and gave this shitty story kudos. Means a lot, guys.

Caleb stares at Frumpkin, the cat licking his paws to clean himself after a long day of doing… cat things, Caleb supposes. He's not wet, so he hasn't been outside, where it has been pouring nonstop since -

 

Since he and Mollymauk went to the shop.

 

The colorful coat stares at him from his desk chair, glaring, reminding him every time he walks into his own room that he has something he must return, something he has to give back, that Friday  _ really _ happened and he  _ has _ to see the colorful tiefling again.

 

He wants to but at the same time he doesn't. Caleb groans into his pillow and Frumpkin meows at him, nuzzling his cheek and rubbing against the side of his head. Caleb smiles slightly at that and scratches under his little chin, some tension bleeding off his shoulders.

 

He isn't scared of seeing him again - or, well, he  _ is _ but that's not the main problem. The problem is that it has been a week and the jacket I still here, Molly didn't come and collect it.

 

And at first, of course, Caleb thinks that perhaps he's forgotten it but the jacket looks worked on, looks even handmade, and he guessed that it probably has a lot of sentimental value. And  _ it's still here _ .

 

Did Molly find him so boring that he isn't even willing to see Caleb again?

 

Caleb sighs, eyes watering slightly as he burrows further and further into bed. He's been here since classes ended at 10am, because he only has Evocation on Fridays. His eyes move to his alarm clock, reading  _ 15.36  _ on it. He'd taken a nap before but he recognizes that staying in bed is dangerous for his state of mind.

 

And so Caleb stands, brushes his teeth and takes a shower and cleans the kitchen and does all the things people without mental illnesses do on a day to day basis. 

 

His therapist has told him multiple times that it's good, it's something that makes him stand and be functional and on the long term, it helps.

 

The coat glares.

 

Frumpkin stares.

 

“Fine,” he mutters, sitting in bed, taking a deep breath. He doesn't want to have to do this but… 

 

His vision goes dark for a second before blooming into Frumpkin’s strangely sharp cat vision and the familiar snaps into obedience, not before yawning of course.

 

The cat slithers through the outside of the building easily, adapting to Caleb’s orders and easily finding the window on the last floor of the building, going slower once he discovers the kitchen window is open. 

 

There are people on the kitchen.

 

There's a tall, tall woman with black dreads and too pale skin, sleeveless, the tips of her hair white as snow and she's giving her back to Frumpkin. Caleb - well,  _ Frumpkin  _ can't see Mollymauk, but he can hear him talking to this woman, her massive frame hiding the tiefling from sight.

 

“Get out,” she's saying, and Caleb tenses up before relaxing when she keeps talking. “You've locked yourself up in your room for almost a  _ week _ , Molly. I know your depressive state when I see it and I'm tell you - you won't get any better if you just stay there and smoke pot  _ alone _ .”

 

“What the fuck do you know? You're never aro -”

 

“I know what you've been going through, Mollymauk, don't think I don't -”

 

“Did Jester set you up for this?”

 

Oh but his voice sounds  _ awful _ and  _ wonderful _ at the same time: throaty, raspy, deep and sleepy, everything that Caleb could ever - yeah, no, he's not going there.

 

His eyes are narrowed and his plum skin is darker under them, hands fisted at his sides and he looks genuinely angry. Due to the hue of his eyes, it's impossible to say if he's high but he looks like it, swaying a little, eyes unfocused.

 

“No, Molly, I've known for a while,” she says softly.

 

“Fuck off, you don't know anything,” he barks out, like a rabid dog, dangerous and scared as he's backed into a corner. Caleb wishes he could get out but he's stuck in place.

 

“Yes, Molly, I do! And there's nothing wrong -”

 

“There's nothing wrong about me!”

 

“I know! That's what I'm trying to say!”

 

“No, you're trying to tell me that I'm - I'm -” he screams, actually  _ screams _ as he clutches the sides of his head. “I'm  _ not like him! _ ”

 

“You're fucking transgender, Molly, and the moment you admit it, the better you'll fucking feel!” the woman shouts back.

 

“I'm not like him! I'm not transgender! I'm fucking cis! Look at me! I'm okay with my dick and my body and everything about it! I'm cis! I'm cis, I'm cis, I'm cis!” He's screaming and Caleb is shaking and the big woman is grasping Mollymauk’s wrists as he begins to bang his hands against the wall and - oh, God, his head.

 

Caleb comes back panting, his eyes wet and his cheeks red and his lower lip bleeding and his heart broken.

 

That's - this is - that was -

 

By the Archeart’s grace, that was a  _ horrifying _ .

 

His eyes go to the coat and he has the sudden urge to wrap himself around it to have some comfort, some semblance of peace after the scene he's witnessed. His eyes burn and he finds himself fighting not to cry as a mess of empathy and sadness fills up his chest, tugging on his lungs uncomfortably.

 

He spends a good while with his face buried on Mollymauk’s coat, feeling awful for a lot of reason - he feels guilty because he's been spying on him with his cat, because he's been keeping his coat, unable to make the first move like the coward he is. He feels sad because he knows what it's like to have someone who cares about you tell you truths you don't want to know to your face, has had a screaming matches with Nott until his voice was hoarse and his knees and hands and heart were shaking with anxiety and fury and impotence.

 

He feels useless in that moment, thinking of Mollymauk and how he's been nothing but nice to him, despite the fact that Caleb does not deserve it. He's just a dirty fucking idiot who appreciates books more than people because he's fucked in the head, and Caleb sniffles into the overwhelming lavender smell as his heart slams against his throat.

 

He knows he isn't deserving. He  _ knows  _ Mollymauk right now needs a friend. He knows he's busy, knows Nott would never approve, knows Molly is neon and at best he's pastels and yet -

 

Yet he  _ wants _ . He wants like he's never wanted before, he wants because Astrid’s hair singed off in the fire and Ikithon’s waiting for him in three days to walk into his office and he wants because Mollymauk  _ feels like he does _ .

 

He's got deep sunset eyes and beautifully textured skin and laughter like bells back at home, at the top of the church, ringing every Sunday and every Wednesday. Mollymauk has as many colors as he can cram, helps strangers, smokes pot when he's sad, listens to way too much indie and talks to cats about the meaning on life, has a room full of trinkets that cost nothing but mean everything and Caleb -

 

He stands, brushes off his tears.

 

Frumpkin is still not here.

 

He clutches the coat in his hands and walks out of his room, almost grabbing his own coat before realizing it's a shield he does not need for what he's about to do. If Mollymauk doesn't have his shield neither does he.

 

The climb up the stairs feels like the walk to the gallows, his knees starting to fail him by the time he reaches the seventh floor, door A glaring ominously at him as he stands there like an insect waiting to be stomped on by his own insecurities. He breathes. He counts in his head until he's reached an insane amount and, when he finally decides to knock with a trembling hand, the sun is about to touch the horizon.

 

Caleb knows he isn't ready the moment the door opens.

 

Because  _ there _ he is. Mollymauk Tealeaf. The man of the fucking hour, hands wrapped in gauze and eyes puffy and cried out and shirt rumpled and horns jewelless and fuck. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ .

 

Caleb has a crush on him.

 

“Coat,” he blurts out with no finesse, wanting to say something else but feeling like his words are tangled around his tongue, heavy within his mouth, horribly inconvenient and Molly frowns at him. “You - forgot. Me. With -  _ with me _ . Forgot.  _ Ja _ .”

 

There's a smile there, a little thing, barely noticeable. Maybe Caleb wouldn't have known had he not spent weeks examining this man in the comfort of what he thought was the private space of his apartment. But Mollymauk smiles, then, manages a little thing, taking his coat from Caleb’s hands and -

 

“Thank you,” the tiefling croaks out, voice raspy and sore. 

 

And Caleb hates himself because instead of feeling empathy and understanding that someone just doesn't get that easily back up from a breakdown, he feels a frisson of pleasure. 

 

You know, like a fucking  _ asshole _ .

 

“You're welcome,” he ends up replying anyway. “I - I'm sorry it took so long.”

 

“I was honestly hoping you'd come back,” Molly says, and Caleb notices that his flirting tone is away and is replaced by something earnest and honest, something he's not ready for yet but there it is. In front of him. And Caleb doesn't know if he's deserving of it but he cradles the moment against his chest and hopes he can nurse it as well as someone with a sound mind would. “I didn't know if I'd scared you the other day.”

 

“You didn't,” Caleb says immediately, stepping forward without even realizing. “I - I had… fun.”

 

He's not lying.

 

“Me too.”

 

Mollymauk is not lying.

 

“My, uh… my apartment is a bit of a mess right now,” Mollymauk frowns as he looks over his shoulder, sighing. “So I'm sorry if I don't invite you over.”

 

“ _ Nein _ , it's alright, you -”  _ Caleb Widogast, what the fuck are you doing, this is way out of your depth, go back, go back, go back, you can't do this you can't -  _ “ - want to take a walk? With - with me?”

 

Mollymauk swallows. There's sweat on his neck and the light of the sunset filters through a window and  _ Kord give him strength, he's beautiful _ .

 

Caleb likes him so much. 

 

“Yes,” the tiefling whispers, eyes on Caleb’s despite the fact that Caleb hasn't been able to maintain eye contact with anyone since he was fifteen. “Yes, please.”

 

Mollymauk smiles. Caleb’s heart thuds against his ribcage. The coat stands between them both and Mollymauk doesn't take it outside, despite the fact that it's raining.

 

Caleb breathes.


	5. and it's never coming back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated the tags! Also, this chapter may seem confusing a bit OOC until you read next chapter so... bare with me.

Caleb Widogast has a mop of ginger hair, soft and unruly, covering most of his face. He hides under it his freckle-speckled nose and the bags under his eyes, the dirt on his nose and his chapped and dry lips. He wears off browns and his nails are bitten to hell and he's so skinny he could be blown away by a single breath.

 

He seems fragile and soft and sad. Very sad. 

 

The only thing that shows his features is the light of the cigarette they've started to share, their back to the wall as they watch the campus start to come down from the Sunday hype, the moon lighting only slightly. 

 

Molly thinks with a cringe that he should've known today is a full moon but his Book of Shadows has been cast to the side lately. And by lately he means in the last two days where he's only hung out with Caleb and avoided Yasha and his apartment as much as he could.

 

The stars glitter. 

 

Caleb stares at the embers of the cigarette.

 

“Bipolar,” he murmurs. “Right? That's what - that's what you said. Last week.”

 

“Yeah,” Molly accepts the cigarette and gratefully sucks on it, leaning back as ash takes over his mouth. “Bipolar. At first they thought it was anxiety and depression. So it was only recently that I got the right diagnosis.”

 

“Must suck,” Caleb murmurs.

 

Laughter bubbles out of his mouth, unintentional and a bit hysterical. 

 

“Yeah,” he giggles. “Yeah, it really does.”

 

“Anxiety doesn't let me get out of bed, sometimes,” Caleb offers. “And depression doesn't help.”

 

“Today’s the first day I've gotten out of bed since we went out,” Molly tells him, a small hint of a smile on his lips.

 

Caleb looks at his nose, snorts out a little chuckle. 

 

“ _ Ja _ . Sounds like me,” he smiles softly.

 

_ Ba-thump _ , goes Mollymauk’s heart.

 

His breath cuts short and Molly passes the cigarette hastily, burrowing his hands between his thighs. They warm up gradually as he feels his heart still beating erratically. 

 

He's never felt this way and he really,  _ really _ likes it.

 

“I - I heard in the shop the other day that you… you’re going to a therapist?” Caleb starts slowly and Molly locks up a little, feeling shame sweeping through him.

 

“I, um,” he looks down at his hands on his knees, swallowing. “I lied?”

 

“You… lied,” Caleb repeats, seeming confused. Then he doesn't look confused. “Oh.”

 

“I just - I don't like therapy,” he tries to excuse, feels small. “Don't like people digging through my head.”

 

_ Looking for him _ . He doesn't say it. But he thinks it. And he thinks of it a lot.

 

“I understand that” Caleb says. He says that a lot but not as if it were the only response he could find. He tells Molly he understands because he  _ does _ . “You need to be ready to go to therapy.”

 

“You do?” Molly blurts out before he can stop himself. He accepts the drag Caleb offers him and watches the Evocation and Transmutation student through the swirling smoke.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” he says softly. “I do, um - there's a woman named Pike? She's religious. Works for the Sarenrae Temple two blocks down. I don't… I don't worship Sarenrae but she helped me out of a panic attack once. I go talk to her once a week, at least.”

 

“That's good,” Molly whispers, ashamed as always of his incapability of walking into therapist’s office. “Means you're healing or something.”

 

Caleb laughs - it's a bit bitter, a bit amused. Molly still likes it, even if it isn't very happy. “Or something,” he chuckles, looking at Molly.

 

He looks him in the eye. 

 

_ Ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump _ .

 

Blue blue blue blue blue, his eyes are  _ blue _ , his hair’s unkept and perhaps too long and damn it, fuck, shit, Molly wants to climb into his lap and fuck his tongue into Caleb’s mouth.

 

Molly swallows dryly.

 

“I've been told healing takes time,” Molly whispers. “And even then, it's time-consuming and it hurts.”

 

“I've been told that as well,” Caleb nods. “Sometimes i don't even think I can get better.”

 

“Sometimes I think I don't want to get better,” Molly whispers.

 

Silence. Phone chimes, it's Molly’s. He doesn't take it.

 

“I understand,” Caleb ends up croaking out, his own throat working.

 

Chime. Chime, chime, chime.

 

“You should answer,” Caleb says as the cigarette is stomped on and done.

 

The campus is silent. Students are asleep. Caleb’s watch reads  _ 2.19  _ and Molly doesn't want to answer, he won't answer the phone, he doesn't want to pop this bubble and go back to Yasha’s worry, Jester’s coddling and Beau’s reprimands.

 

Caleb brushes his hair behind his ear, shoulders hunched. 

 

“I won't answer,” Molly confesses.

 

“Why not?” Caleb looks at him in the eye, longs for an answer, Molly knows.

 

Kiss him. Molly wants to kiss him so  _ fucking  _ bad. What's wrong with him?

 

“I like being with you,” he confesses.

 

Caleb flushes bright red, hands clenched on the fabric of his pants. 

 

_ B a _

 

_ T h u m p. _

 

“Is it super stupid if I say I like you?” Molly blurts out.

 

“M-maybe,” he stutters, looking away. “I’m not much.”

 

“You look like a lot,” Molly replies.

 

“Says you,” Caleb laughs, this time with real humor. 

 

Molly laughs as well. His jewelry chimes as well with the movement of his head.

 

“I like you,” Caleb says after their laughter has subsided. “And I think I'm selfish for it.”

 

“That could be the trauma talking,” the tiefling murmurs.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” he nods, leaning into the wall before looking up at the sky. “Mollymauk?”

 

“Molly,” he quickly corrects. “I - I'm Molly to my friends.”

 

“What if I don't want us to be friends?” He asks, looking him in the eye  _ again _ . 

 

_ Bathumpbathumpbathump- _

 

“You want us to fuck?” Molly asks, incredulous, having taken Caleb for granted.

 

Shy, sad, unkept. He thought he'd had Caleb figured out.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” he replies, completely serious.

 

“I, uh - I mean,” Molly starts to stutter for the first time in his short life, face turning a deep shade of purple as Caleb looks him in the fucking eye.

 

What happened to  _ don't invite my personal sp - _

 

Ah. Unless I initiate it. That's what he'd said. And, apparently, he wanted to - to invade Molly’s space. A lot.

 

“I mean,” he swallows. “I'm all up for it.”

 

“Thank you,” Caleb nods, then gives a soft smile. “I'm touch-starved.”

 

“Oh,” Molly says, feels relief wash over him. “Me t -”

 

Caleb kisses him.

 

Molly whines into his mouth and closes his eyes, kissing back with as much as he can give. Caleb’s lips are chapped and rough when he runs his tongue through them but his mouth is warm and slick and Molly feels Caleb’s daring fucking hand moving to his thigh.

 

This guy.

 

This  _ fucking  _ guy had looked  _ shy _ .

 

Still, Molly can't really complain so he kisses back. And their mouths taste like ash. And Caleb’s hair is soft.

  
And Molly for the first time  _ wants _ .


	6. there are certain things you ask of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit is this filthy and sad yet happy. You'll understand when you read it.
> 
> Warnings! This is an absolutely E Rated Chapter! Sorry for the wait!!

“It's a - my apartment’s a mess, I haven't -”

 

“Nnng, you think I care?”

 

“Maybe?” Mollymauk pants, pulling away from Caleb's now shiny lips, his eyes wide and deep red and his cheeks a deep purple. 

 

He's blushing and Caleb cannot be more giddy about it.

 

“I don't,” he replies, hands squeezing the tiefling’s slim hips. “Open the door.”

 

“I - yeah - okay, yeah,” he nods, fumbling with his keys as Caleb starts to kiss down his scarred throat, licking salty skin, finding it delightfully textured.

 

It stims his tongue and he finds himself worrying over a single spot, uncaring if he leaves a mark. 

 

A thrill goes through him when Molly moans, though, the sound sobering and intoxicating at the same time. He can feel Molly’s cock pressing against his stomach until they stumble into his living room, where Molly almost falls to the floor but instead yelps and falls halfway on the couch, shirt slightly open and face flushed and cock awake and -

 

Yeah, Caleb wants to fuck him.

 

“Take it off,” Caleb rasps, starting to work on his collared shirt.

 

“Take what off?” Molly breathes, hands tight on the couch.

 

“All of it.”

 

A whine -  _ but  _ Molly complies, throwing away his shirt except it tangles on his horns and Caleb has to help him out, laughing a little, his fingers pressing into the ridges of his horns, feeling them. It’s not bad but it's not great either, so he leaves them alone, instead touching his now naked chest, marveling over it.

 

It's so fucking pleasant, the multiple raises of scars on soft skin, and he presses his lips there, mouthing at his skin, hearing Molly moan softly, breathily. Caleb feels his cock jump in his pants.

 

“Pants, pants, take 'em off,  _ please _ ,” Molly whines, kicking his feet slightly and Caleb hauls Molly’s legs on the couch so the tiefling is lying fully on it instead of half on the floor. 

 

The pants Molly wears are ridiculously tight but when Caleb finally peels them off he's greeted with lace, a sight that makes his mind go blank for a second while all the blood that gathers on his cheeks suddenly goes below the waist.

 

“ _ Scheisse _ ,” he moans, and Molly preens a little at that, apparently, squirming under his hands as he pants slightly. His colorful tattoos are on display and Caleb's seen them before,  _ of course  _ he has, but to be able to stare at them and run his fingers through it is a completely different experience.

 

“I've got lots more of that,” Molly grins, canines in the open, his eyes dark with lust as he opens his legs wider for Caleb to step in between.

 

Caleb swallows.

 

_ “If you've never done it, how would you know? _ ” 

 

Caleb pulls down Mollymauk’s underwear, breathing in deeply. He gets slammed with a wave of want and need and he reminds himself that Aedwulf doesn't know shit.

 

He doesn't know  _ shit  _ about him.

 

Molly’s dick is a lovely deep purple, pierced at the tip with a golden barbell that makes him salivate slightly. He's, uh, accidentally seen it before, but not from this angle, not between Molly’s thighs, not with Mollymauk Tealeaf whining for Caleb to touch him.

 

This feels like something out if a wet dream and Caleb doesn't even know where to begin, and he's  _ giddy  _ with it.

 

He  _ wants _ this. He's hard and he's excited and his nervousness is bubbling away the louder Mollymauk’s moans get. He isn't even doing anything much, just biting at his scarred thighs, nosing his hipbones and -

 

Yeah, those are claws grasping the couch, poking holes into it, making Caleb pull back to stare at Molly.

 

He's now breathing so heavily that Caleb thinks he might hyperventilate, eyes wide open and on him, mouth as well, his tongue running through his lips. 

 

Caleb leans down and shoves his tongue down Molly’s throat, earning a high whine that makes Caleb’s hips stutter against Molly’s. It earns him a moan into his mouth and suddenly Molly’s hands are in his hair, pulling, and Caleb backs away with alarm.

 

“Everything okay?” He asks with his thick accent rolling off his tongue, making him cringe. 

 

“Yes, yes,” Molly nods quickly, kissing him hotly before his claws get a hold of Caleb’s shirt, ripping it open without care. “I just want you fucking naked.”

 

Caleb should probably be angry about the buttons that  _ clink clink clink _ down on the floor of Molly’s living room but he just kisses the tiefling harder and starts to buck his hips into Molly’s.

 

“Fuck - fuck, yes, harder,  _ harder _ , ah! Just like that!” Molly cries out, talons digging into Caleb’s clothed shoulder as Caleb bites at his throat. 

 

Molly’s  _ loud _ . And obscene, too. Caleb doesn't know yet if he likes that, because he can only focus on how good he feels, how good  _ it _ feels, how right. He feels himself grinning through it, into Molly’s throat as his hands lower to grasp his ass and start being a little more forceful.

 

That, Molly likes, given the shudder Caleb feels against him, and suddenly Molly’s trying to go for his pants, hands shaking, sweat shining on his temple.

 

“Please,” he begs. “Please, fuck, Caleb, I - I want -”

 

“What do you want?” Caleb groans, eyes finding Molly’s, he can't look away, why the hell can't he look away?

 

“I want, ah, ah, I - I want  _ so much _ ,” he cries out as Caleb grinds into him, his hands moving to Caleb’s shoulders as the mage sits up and holds Molly practically in his lap. 

 

Mollymauk’s lacy underwear hangs around one of his ankles as Caleb unbuttons the front of his pants just enough to pull out his cock and -

 

He pauses, eyes on Molly, watching his partner pant and wait for him to do something.

 

Except Caleb doesn't know what to do.

 

It's been easy so far - kissing, licking, touching, even dry-humping but… now… he really doesn't know what to do, exactly. He knows the  _ logistics _ , the basics, but not how to do it. 

 

Physically. Because… they're men. Two men - or, at least  _ he  _ is. He doesn't know about Molly.

 

“Caleb?” Molly sits up slightly, a worried frown on his face. “You okay?”

 

“ _ Ja _ , I just, uh…” he sighs, runs a hand through his hair. He doesn't -

 

Pike had told him it’s fine but he cannot shake Aedwulf’s words out of his head. He knows it's ridiculous, he knows a twenty-two year old guy shouldn't be expected to be widely experienced but -

 

But  _ still _ .

 

“I've never been with a man,” Caleb whispers, eyes on his lap, which is where incidentally, Molly is. 

 

The Zemnian man stares at purple, supple thighs, gently running his fingers through them, swallowing as Molly stays silent for a moment. 

 

This is when he's turned away, When Molly replies that obviously Caleb is not experienced enough for him. That he doesn't truly like -

 

“ _ You've only been with women. You're not fucking bisexual, you're just a - _ ”

 

“Do you want to do this?” 

 

Molly’s question breaks him out of his memories, and he blinks and watches as Molly lifts a hand to his face, touches his cheek ever so gently, eyes soft and understanding. 

 

“You can always say no,” he says, smiling gently. “If - if you feel as if you've to do this because I want it, then don't worry. I want you to want me. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable at all, that's not what sex is about, darling.”

 

Caleb breathes out, his heart stuttering as Molly climbs fully onto his lap and lays a soft kiss on his lips, prompting Caleb to close his eyes as his own mouth remains unmoving.

 

It's the sweetest kiss he's ever had.

 

And he watches Molly stand and gather his clothes slowly as if he were watching from a window, from Frumpkin once more, seeing Mollymauk slam his hands and wrists into the kitchen counter, seeing him slice his flesh on a broken crystal and do nothing about it, just watch the blood flow.

 

And Caleb feels his chest give a painful  _ thump _ at the thought of doing this to him. 

 

To himself.

 

To both of them.

 

“ _ He didn't like me. It's okay _ ,” Molly had told Yasha at the beginning of September, even though he'd cried into his pillow and asked Frumpkin why he could never hold onto a date.

 

“ _ I'm not much _ ,” Molly had shrugged as he and Caleb returned to the building three days ago, after returning his coat. “ _ Just Molly _ .”

 

“If you want to stay, you're welcome to,” he smiles at Caleb sweetly. “I have some spare blankets and the fridge is -”

 

“You're crying,” Caleb says softly.

 

Molly pauses, looks like a deer caught in the headlights as he touches his cheeks and finds the pads of his fingers wet.

 

“Oh,” he rasps out before letting out a wet sound. “Yeah, on hindsight, you might not want to see this.”

 

“Mollymauk -” Caleb stands awkwardly, watching the tiefling shake his head and hands, trying to find the sleeve of his shirt.

 

“It's okay, I'm just dumb and I've had a really bad day - week - month,” he laughs again, wetly, tears streaming down and Caleb fumbles for his hands, grasping them.

 

It's…  _ strange _ . Mollymauk’s hands are taloned. They're not like Nott’s, he doesn't just have long nails, his  _ fingers _ end in sharp points which are darker than the skin of his palm and… Caleb likes it.

 

Caleb  _ likes  _ him.

 

Caleb’s liked kissing him and laughing with him and almost having sex with him. He's likes Molly's eyes and Molly's smile and Molly's skin and Molly's laugh and his eccentric clothes.

 

He's been hanging out with him for three days and he has a crush and he's  _ bisexual _ , for God’s sake, he doesn't need to fucking prove anything to Aedwulf or Astrid or Trent fucking Ikithon.

 

He wants Molly because he  _ wants _ him. Period.

 

“Stop,” Caleb murmurs, pulling Molly close to him, his eyes burning into wet reds. “I want you. I'm just… nervous,  _ ja _ ?” He swallows as Molly’s incredulous eyes wet again.

 

Such a simple phrase.  _ I want you _ . 

 

“ _ At least you seem to want me around, huh _ ?” Molly had smiled at Frumpkin. At Caleb. 

 

“I want you,” Caleb repeats, maintaining the eye contact he usually abhors with one of the most beautiful men he's ever seen. 

 

“Really?” Molly murmurs, almost sobbing as Caleb moves closer.

 

“I - I -” Molly stutters before his lips become busy with Caleb’s, breathing out shakily, a tremor which Caleb swallows as he begins to feel the kiss, making the tension bleed out of Molly’s shoulders. 

 

The tiefling kisses back and despite the fact that Caleb can taste tears, he can also taste want and need. And he remembers why he's been attracted to Mollymauk for months now and that's - that's because Molly knows, too, what it's like to be miserable.

 

And then he got to know Molly and - everything - it was  _ better _ than he anticipated. There was no disappointment.

 

“Caleb,” Molly sighs into the kiss, his hands moving to tangle into his hair.

 

“I want to fuck you.”

 

“Y-yes, fuck,” he whines out as Caleb slides down his jaw to work his throat, his knees apparently failing him because he's now grasping Caleb’s shoulders, whining.

 

“I'm gonna fuck you so good,” Caleb keeps saying even though his hands are shaking, moving his mouth to Molly’s, sucking on his lower lip.

 

“Nngh, Caleb, I - bed,” the tiefling pants, pulling back and moving towards his bedroom, shedding his clothes as he pulls Caleb into his room with hungry kisses.

 

“Grab our clothes?” Molly whispers to him lowly. “Just so we don't want around naked in October. Too cold.”

 

“I'll be right back then,” Caleb murmurs, watching Molly’s retreating naked form and his throat goes dry.

 

He picks up their clothing easily, and finds Molly’s soft lace panties within his grasp soon enough.

 

Caleb feels his libido rise up within him again and, with a deep breath, he moves to the bedroom, familiar to him, though Mollymauk does not know that.

 

He enters the room and finds Molly in his jewelry and nothing else and -

 

It's enough to get Caleb right back into it. 

 

Their kisses are heated as Caleb climbs over Molly and throws their clothes to the floor, pressing their fronts together, his hands grabbing at Molly’s ass and squeezing, earning a giggle.

 

“So I'm taking it  _ you _ want to do the fucking,” Molly grins at Caleb, who nods, entertained by the tiefling’s collarbones, his hands pulling at supple purple thighs. “If you want to bottom, do tell me. I can do either.”

 

“Maybe not yet,” he whispers, licking over a nipple, making Molly gasp. “I wanna - you - you've got a…” he squeezes his ass, sighing. Why is he incapable of doing this? “You've -”

 

“A nice ass. Thank you. I pride myself in it,” Molly laughs, grinds against Caleb. “What're you gonna do with it?”

 

“I've never…” Caleb swallows. “You'd have to teach me.”

 

Mollymauk’s eyes blaze with lust at that, humming. “You want me to open myself up?”

 

The mage student’s eyes drift to his talons, blinking. “Uh - I mean -  _ scheisse _ , can you?”

 

Molly rolls his eyes, reaching over to the little box next to his bed covered in multiple blankets and rugs, moving his hand under those blankets to reveal that it's actually a night table. Huh.

 

He grabs something inside and soon enough there's a condom, a little bottle of lube and… he doesn't know what  _ those  _ are.

 

“What -”

 

“I love myself quite often and, as a tiefling, I need fingertips that won't hurt me,” he places those little things on three of his fingers, making them blunt and… Caleb flushes as he realizes Molly probably has a wide and varied collection of sex toys, judging by these and the dildo he'd seen the other week. “Thank the Moonweaver for acrilic nail-wearing lesbians, right?”

 

“Right,” he replies awkwardly. The only lesbian he knows is Beau and she doesn't wear acrilic nails.

 

“Want me to teach you  _ now _ or…?” Molly raises an eyebrow at Caleb, spreading his legs and for a moment, Caleb can't breathe because Mollymauk looks so  _ good _ .

 

“Later. I just - I want - already,” he swallows as his eyes find Molly’s lovely purple dick. It's pretty. It's very pretty.

 

He's very pretty.

 

“Alright,” Molly says softly, smiling at him, his free hand moving to caress Caleb’s cheek.

 

Caleb leans into it and sighs, his hands moving from Molly’s ass cheeks to the top of his thighs, pressing into a delicate part of his skin, unblemished. Molly keens and spreads his legs wide, wide,  _ wide - _

 

“ _ Mein gott _ ,” Caleb laughs, disbelieving.

 

“I'm flexible, okay? That's what you get when you've grown in a circus,” Molly laughs as well, taking the bottle of lube.

 

“You grew up in a circus?” Caleb asks, stunned. That's something he doesn't know about Molly and finding out something new, from Molly himself, is delightful - especially if it's accompanied by a breathy moan as he presses a finger into himself.

 

“Yeah,” he sighs, one finger moving in and out of his hole in a leisure pace. “Moondrop -  _ nnngh,  _ do I have to think that much right now?”

 

“No,  _ nein _ , it's okay, we'll talk later,” Caleb whispers, eyes on Molly's hand, which is moving from his stomach to his cock, starting to stroke it, making Caleb swallow thickly.

 

He looks so fucking good like that, and he can feel his cock thickening inside his pants to the point of it being uncomfortable. It feels surreal, to be here, to watch this happen. 

 

Caleb stares at Molly, stunned, for quite a while, watching him prepare himself, sinking one, then two, then free fingers, his hand moving away from his now rock hard cock to touch the barbells of his horns near the base, playing with them, making himself moan.

 

Caleb’s hand moves to his own dick and starts to pump himself, incapable of doing anything else at the spectacle before him.

 

“You like that?” Molly breathes, one of his feet moving to touch the top of his ass. “Like it when I fuck myself?”

 

“Yes,” he whispers, moaning with his spine shaking from lust. “Gods, Molly, you're - you're so -”

 

“Come here and fuck me, big boy,” Molly says and Caleb pauses for a second as he's fumbling to put on the condom.

 

“Big boy?” He questions, and Molly laughs before pulling him closer by his thighs and feet. “I am only five foot eight, Molly.”

 

“Get here, you idiot,” he grins, amused, with a hint of affection in his eyes as Caleb stumbles forward, falling on top of Molly, who sneaks a hand down to grasp his cock and stroke it firmly, placing the condom right.

 

“ _ Scheisse _ ,” he groans into Molly’s warm, scarred skin, thrusting into that tight grip. “Nngh,  _ Molly - _ ”

 

“Right here,” he whispers lowly into Caleb’s ear as he guides the head of his cock into his hole, sighing as he begins to penetrate him. “Oh, I've  _ missed  _ this…”

 

Caleb is moaning, his back tensed and bowed as he muffles his whimpers of pleasure into Molly’s neck, trying to hide how he's about to blow.

 

“That's it, sweetheart, slowly,  _ slow _ ,” Molly coos, the heels of his feet pressing into his ass, making him go deeper into the tiefling. His clawed hands, both of them, now rid of those strange blunted tips, dig into his scalp, tangling into his messy ginger hair. “It's good, isn't it?”

 

Caleb tries to say  _ yes _ but all that comes out is a strangled noise as he buries his cock all the way into Mollymauk, “ _ Jjjnnngh _ ,” he pants.

 

“Take your time, love,” Molly reassures, caressing his hair, moving it out of his eyes softly, and Caleb feels his heartstrings pull at that.

 

Mollymauk is so  _ tender _ . He'd thought by the way they'd started all of this that they'd be fucking against a wall or in the couch, fast and messy, hard and passionate, not…

 

He swallows. He won't say the word.

 

“How're you doing, baby boy?” Molly cups his face and pulls it up so they can look at each other. “Think you're ready to move?” 

 

“I - give me another minute?” He swallows hard, throat dry. “I'm so sorry, I - I don't - I've never -”

 

“I'm not judging, Caleb,” Molly says softly, brushing their lips together, biting softly with his sharp canines the tender flesh of Caleb’s lower lip, making Caleb’s cock twitch inside him. “ _ Nngh _ , I just really want you to enjoy yourself.”

 

“I -”

 

“And trust me,” the tiefling’s eyes are dark as he kisses his chin, his cheek, his jaw, sucks on his earlobe. “Tonight I'm gonna ruin you for other men.”

 

_ But are you sure you're a man? _

 

Caleb moans.

 

“There you go,” Molly sighs as he begins to move his hips. “Little by little, y -  _ ah _ , you already - yes, right there,” he whines and draws his sharp talons through Caleb’s back - softly, so he doesn't really hurt Caleb.

 

It's slow and warm - so very warm. Molly’s body is like a furnace and the heat sinks into Caleb like it hasn't since he was five. He feels comforted and pleasured at the same time, his hands gripping the sheets beside Molly's head tightly, his face hidden.

 

Yet it's not  _ enough _ .

 

Caleb is panting hard into Molly’s neck, then his shoulder, then he sits up, pulls Molly to a better position and starts to gradually thrust faster, gaining confidence.

 

And how can he not gain confidence, when Molly’s cock jumps against his stomach, slapping prettily into the pool of precome that has gathered on his pierced belly. 

 

“Fuck,” Caleb lets out, the word heavily accented but for a change, he doesn't  _ give a single shit _ . Because Molly’s moaning and Molly’s around him and he's fucking Mollymauk Tealeaf, someone so out of his league that he lets out a disbelieving laugh before picking up the pace.

 

“Right - right there! Yes! Faster!  _ Ah, ah ah! _ ” Molly screams, the sound of his pleasure echoing through the room and Caleb is nothing but happy to comply, his impending orgasm coming closer and closer. “Oh my Gods,” he gasps and Caleb’s grip on Molly’s hip slips and he accidentally pulls out, making Molly yelp and go down, pulling Caleb along with him.

 

And Caleb should feel embarrassed, should feel shame creeping up on him for making a fool of himself during sex -

 

Yet he's laughing.

 

Molly is giggling hard into his shoulder and Caleb snorts as Mollymauk tries to grasp his dick, incapable due to their position.

 

“Caleb - Caleb, you ass, stop laughing!” He grins, slapping his side. “It was going so well!”

 

“You're -” Caleb laughs hard, grinning as he pulls back to kiss Molly gently. “You're the single most strangest person I have ever met, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

 

He feels Molly smile against his lips and stops struggling, his arms moving around his neck to turn the kiss deeper. “Yes, well,” he whispers as they finally pull away to breathe. “It seems I'm lucky too, if you're here.”

 

Caleb feels his throat close up at that, and he quickly buries his feelings into his eyes, which he closes and presses to Molly's chest. The tiefling merely strokes his hair, lets him swallow it all down before they try once more to - have sex, that is.

 

Except when he tries to pull Molly’s legs apart, the purple man sits up and pushes at Caleb’s chest until the mage student has his back against the bed, looking at him with lowly, lustful red eyes.

 

“I said I was gonna ruin you,” he purrs as he moves to hover over Caleb and here? Caleb is completely out of his depth.

 

His hands flail and he clumsily grasps at Molly’s hips as he begins to suck at Caleb's collarbone, hands dragging through his chest, catching on his chest hair and Caleb whines when Molly keeps going down, down,  _ down  _ -

 

“Weren't we going to -”

 

“Shh,” Molly grins widely, slowly removing the condom from him to kiss the tip of his cock, making Caleb's toes curl. “You can come down my throat.”

 

“ _ Gott _ ,” Caleb chokes, and that’s the last coherent thing he says before Molly opens his mouth and makes Caleb come with a single swipe of his tongue.

 

“Mollymauk,  _ Molly _ , I'm gonna - I'm about to  _ \- ahh! _ ” He kicks his feet slightly as he comes, pleasure overwhelming him, eyes falling shut for a second before he wills them open, watching the beautiful scene between his legs.

 

Molly gets  _ covered _ in it, in his cum, and it sits all over his face, even his hair but he seems to love it, by the way he's opening his mouth and licking his lips and running his talons through the mess to make it even  _ messier _ .

 

This feels like an absolute fantasy.

 

Caleb’s dick gives another valiant twitch as Molly squeezes him and licks him clean, then leaves his cock alone so he can focus on cleaning himself in the fucking filthiest way - which makes Caleb flush red.

 

“You - why did you -”

 

“Did you seriously think we'd be done after this?” He purrs, red peeking out from under his long lashes. “If you're done, that's fine by me. I won't make you do anything.”

 

Caleb feels a swell of gratitude at that, if only because Mollymauk’s the first partner he's had that gives him a choice to -

 

“But if you want,” he spreads his legs, wraps a hand around himself. “I'm not really done.”

 

“Well,” Caleb swallows clumsily, watching Molly pleasure himself with a tug of arousal already pulling at his underbelly. “I - I'd need - I'd need some time to -”

 

“I know, baby,” he whispers, mouth open, his hand moving quickly. “I just need - I need you to stay right -  _ there _ !” He whines, arcs his back, plays with the piercing on his belly before his fingers nudge close to his entrance, whining when his sharp talons meet soft flesh without penetrating.

 

Caleb things for a second about finding Molly his little blunt fingertips but before he knows what he's doing, he's moving close to the tiefling and his fingers find his loose hole, pressing in with just a finger and it's so  _ wet _ there.

 

“Caleb,” Molly whines, his hand moving away from his own cock to grasp his shoulder, moaning as Caleb presses a second finger and Molly takes it  _ so fucking well _ , it makes his head spin. “By the Moonweaver, yes, keep - doing that -”

 

“Lay back,” Caleb orders, thinking of the best way to do this, to make it better for Molly. “Legs apart, spread - further, like that.”

 

Mollymauk is sweaty, and the perspiration shines on his skin so beautifully, the moon making his scars stand out, the glittering jewels on his body, and as he throws his head back and cries out from a twist of Caleb’s wrist, Caleb knows he's doomed.

 

And he's…  _ happy _ about it.

 

It means it's real. It means he's not - lying, he's not pretending, he's not a special little  _ snowflake _ , searching for somewhere to belong, somewhere where people are more accepting and they don't mind him being autistic or depressed or an illegal -

 

“ _ Ah! _ ”

 

Mollymauk comes and Caleb’s heart slams against his throat and his stomach swoops low.

 

He's fucking beautiful.

 

Ropes of thick white release hit his chest, his cock untouched, eyes closed and throat exposed with a high flush on his cheeks. His knees slam together, trapping his hand and half his arm and body between them. He rubs them as he keeps coming and he realizes he's still moving his fingers inside Molly, which makes him -

 

He's proud. He seriously loves to see Molly come down from his high, his limbs going lax, his talons loosening on his curls, chest heaving.

 

His fingers gently move away and the two sit there, panting, Caleb’s heart beating with the pace of a rabbit’s as Molly slowly opens his eyes and smiles.

 

He smiles.

 

And Caleb's world turns upside down.

 

“That was amazing, darling,” he lifts a taloned hand and strokes his beard gently, making Caleb lean into it, in need of touch. “You were so amazing. I'm proud of you.”

 

Caleb swallows the onslaught of emotions, looking down at his lap and nodding for lack of anything else to say.

 

“I, ah… I better clean you up,” he whispers. He's heard it's the polite thing to do by the one who tops. Is that too heterosexual?

 

He's in the bathroom before he can think too hard on it.

 

He hears Molly humming in the bedroom as he comes back with a towel, wet and warm, and finds Mollymauk turning on a night light that makes thousands of star-like dots appear around them.

 

“Thank you, baby boy,” he sighs as Caleb runs the towel through his face gently, making sure to be careful with his piercings. “I would shower, but you've fucked me so well that all I want to do is sleep - come here, you've got cum on your belly.”

 

Caleb doesn't respond as the tiefling takes the towel and gently cleans him as well, realizing only then just how damn tired he is. His eyes droop as Molly finishes cleaning him.

 

Caleb feels accomplished as he drops next to Molly, surprised when the tiefling quickly manhandles him to lay on his back and climbs halfway on top, head nestled on his chest and talons playing with his chest hair.

 

Oh.

 

_ Oh _ .

 

Right. Cuddling.

 

“You don't mind?” Mollymauk hums, nuzzling him, his legs tangling into his.

 

“I… no,” he murmurs, his arm hesitantly moving around Molly’s shoulders to pull him - pull him closer.

 

It's… nice. It's  _ very  _ nice.

 

Caleb breathes out as Molly pulls a thin blanket around them both, throwing the towel away from the bed.

 

“So? How was your first queer experience?” Molly bats his eyelashes at Caleb as he awkwardly watches the ceiling, noticing for the first time that there are painted stars on it, strangely accurate. Regulus is a little bit lower, though.

 

“Good,” he breathes, daring to drum his fingers against Molly’s lower back. “Uh… very good. It was… nice.”

 

Molly giggles into his collarbones, shaking his head with a gleeful look. He looks so happy right now, grinning like that, eyes sparkling. It's contagious.

 

Caleb smiles softly, “Thank you, Mollymauk.”

 

“Well, you're absolutely welcome, Mr Caleb,” he responds, resting his head in such a way that it doesn't bother his horns. 

 

“Mr Caleb now, is it,  _ ja _ ?” He chuckles.

 

“Yes,” Molly hums, eyes closing.

 

“Well, goodnight, Mr Mollymauk,” he whispers, sighing, closing his eyes.

 

“Goodnight, Mr Caleb.”

  
  
  
  
  



	7. there are certain things i lack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless the Widomauk discord for everything they do. And Rene, too, because gods know that le cheers me up more than anything.
> 
> I hear all of you, I read all your comments!! And I wanted to say, thank you SO much for all the feedback!!

Molly awakes to the sound of his phone ringing,  _ Victorious _ by  _ Panic! at the Disco _ playing loudly, making his partner in bed groan and bury his face further into Molly’s back, arms tensing around him.

 

He feels  _ great _ as he reaches for his phone, seeing the caller, finding a private number. He rolls his eyes and quickly turns it away, going back to enjoying being the little spoon to a gorgeous Zemnian man, sighing happily.

 

“Morning,” he hums, running his sharp talons through the hairs of Caleb’s arms before his hands entangle with Caleb’s. His heart, already beating dangerously frantic, gives a leap as he feels Caleb squeezing his fingers. 

 

“Morning,  _ liebling _ ,” he rasps, voice sore and  _ fuck _ , is that doing things to Molly.

 

“Did you sleep well?” Molly turns around in his lover’s grip, grinning at Caleb’s morning face, his mouth still closed, eyes slightly open.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” his mouth curls up in a soft smile as Molly presses close to him. “I slept very well.”

 

“Wonder why?” He grins, giggling as Caleb rolls his eyes.

 

“No,” he replies sarcastically, burying his face on his shoulder and neck so he can try and sleep a little longer, making Molly's smile turn wide. “Stop squirming,  _ kleine liebling,  _ I'm trying to sleep.”

 

“Don't you have classes?” Molly questions, playing with strands of ginger hair, his tail moving to tangle with one of Caleb’s wrists resting at the small of his back.

 

“Not until he afternoon,” Caleb murmurs. “Hmmm, you're warm.”

 

“I'm a tiefling, of course I'm warm,” he chuckles, then giggles loudly as Caleb grasps his ass fully. “Oh, wow! Didn't peg you as a morning person, Caleb.”

 

“I'm usually not,” he kisses his throat, licks over a scar, voice rumbling low on his chest as Molly’s laugh turns to a soft moan. “Wonder why that's changed…”

 

“Caleb,” Molly breathes -

 

His phone rings again.

 

Mollymauk groans, head thrown back. Caleb gives one last kiss to his shoulder before letting him go with a soft chuckle. “Pick that up. Could be important - and you ignored last night’s.”

 

“Fine,” Molly pouts, reaching for his phone and answering. “Hello?”

 

“ _ Nice of you to fucking pick up, dipshit, _ ” a familiar voice says.

 

“Hello, you absolute, horrid bitch!” Molly grins, leaning back into Caleb as the Zemnian starts snoozing again. “How's it going?”

 

“ _ Don't you fucking - Yasha got the okay for bottom transmutation, you ass, and she wanted to share it with you, but you didn't fucking answer! _ ”

 

Molly sits up like a spring, his eyes wide, his heart leaping with joy, “Really?! Oh my Gods! Oh, Gods! That's wonderful!” He laughs. “Is it - is it -”

 

“ _ Jester covered it _ ,” Beau replies quickly. “ _ So yeah. No money problems.” _

 

Molly bounces on his mattress, laughing wildly with happiness. “That's amazing! Pass the phone to her! Pass it now!”

 

There's fumbling on the other line and, as Molly waits, he feels Caleb’s hand on his lower back. He turns to see Caleb softly smiling at him and his heart does something funky within his chest. Gently, he runs his talons through Caleb's hair, sighing as the mage student starts kissing his torso.

 

“Good news?” He rasps, and Molly sighs when his hand caresses his scarred thigh, eyes slipping closed. “You look happy.”

 

“How couldn't I be, with you in my bed?” He whispers, talons moving to grasp his chin, pulling Caleb's lips to his, moaning softly as Caleb brings him closer.

 

“ _ Molly? _ ”

 

“Yasha!” He exclaims as he pulls away, making Caleb sigh, but apparently he doesn't care, he just keeps kissing down his jaw and neck and back. “H-hey! I heard the news!”

 

“ _ Yeah, uh, I tried to go home but… heard you were busy _ ,” she chuckles. “ _ You did get the guy, apparently _ .”

 

“And you the girl, my most favorite lesbian woman who is about to get bottom transmutation!” Molly shouts out, making Caleb stop for a moment, though Molly doesn't pay much attention. “I'm  _ so  _ happy for you, darling dearest! It's such a big step!”

 

“ _ Final step for me _ ,” she sighs. “ _ It's… it's good, Molly. I'm at peace already and the surgery hasn't even happened _ .”

 

“I'm glad, Yasha, you deserve to be at peace,” Molly says softly, then squeaks as Caleb bites his shoulder. “Stop that! I'm on the phone!”

 

Caleb smiles lazily into his shoulder, hair falling over his face softly and Gods, Molly can't be annoyed when he whispers in Zemnian softly an apology, his stubble scratching against his skin.

 

Molly melts and leans over to kiss Caleb sweetly, going back to his phone call once Yasha starts talking again.

 

“ _ Well, I think I should leave you. Beau wants to, um… celebrate - _ ”

 

“Go fuck your girl like she deserves,” he grins.

 

“ _ You fucking -” _

 

_ “Relax! You know he's joking…” _

 

_ “Go fuck yourself, Molly!” _

 

Molly just laughs, bids them goodbye with a grin and promises that yes, of  _ course _ he'll come to dinner at seven sharp to Jester’s house.

 

“Friend of yours got approved?” Caleb asks.

 

“Yasha, my best friend,” he grins, turning to kiss Caleb heatedly. “I'm like, ready to bounce on the walls, she got approval! She's been waiting years!”

 

“I'm happy for her,” Caleb yawns softly, a little year slipping from their lack of sleep last night.

 

Molly gently wipes it away and smiles as he wraps his arms around Caleb’s middle, resting his chin on Caleb’s chest. “It's still early. I don't have classes either. You wanna sleep a little bit more?”

 

Caleb hums, his hand moving down, down, down until they meet Molly’s ass, squeezing it - it awakens Molly instantly.

 

“I thought we had other plans in mind?” He nuzzles Molly's neck.

 

“Oh, yeah, that's a good option too,” Mollymauk sighs, baring his neck for Caleb as the Zemnian rolls them over on the bed and pretty soon they're kissing much like yesterday.

 

Yesterday was - Molly thinks he’s made the Moonweaver proud. Caleb's hesitance at first only made it easier to communicate later, so now Molly doesn't have to hold back on anything that he likes - such as telling his partner what he likes, making sure his partner is enjoying it and  _ begging to get rawed within an inch of his life _ .

 

“You wanna -” Molly whines as Caleb cuts his words off with a deep kiss before letting him speak, parting from his wet mouth with lidded eyes. “Wanna take this to the shower? We'll save water,” he winks, trying to sound alluring but Caleb cocks an eyebrow.

 

“You know you only waste more water,  _ ja _ ? It's an urban myth,” he says smugly.

 

Molly groans, kicking at Caleb's foot gently. “You  _ had  _ to be a smartass, didn't you?”

 

Caleb laughs softly, shaking his head in amusement.

 

“I was merely pointing out -”

 

“Yeah, yeah, well, no shower sex for you, Mr Caleb,” Molly pouts, turning his back to him, crossing his arms.

 

Caleb stays quiet for a moment and then Molly hears a small word in Zemnian, sounding much like a sincere apology instead of the laugh he'd been expecting and -

 

Of course. He has trouble reading emotions sometimes, just like Yasha. He should've known.

 

“I'm sorry,” Caleb whispers, his hands moving away but Molly quickly turns around and grasps them gently.

 

“No, no! Caleb,  _ I'm  _ sorry, I should've made it more clear to you tomorrow I was joking, come here,” he says gently, chasing Caleb’s expression of anxiety away with a soft smile and a deep kiss.

 

It takes Caleb quite a while but he manages to relax into the kiss, his hands moving to Molly’s elbows as he sighs softly and moves slightly closer. When they part, he murmurs, “Sorry,” as if it was his fault how his brain functioned.

 

“Not your fault,” Molly replies, catching the look of surprise and pleased happiness and relief there. Ah, Molly could bet nobody had ever replied with that. “Now, for real, do you want to fuck or are you not in the mood?”

 

“Um,” he mumbles, slightly embarrassed, apparently. “I want to…?”

 

“Yes or no, darling, there's no in betweens when it comes to consent,” Molly retorts firmly but not without care. Again, he feels Caleb relax into the mattress, a soft smile on his lips as he looks at Molly's eyes. 

 

“I do. Thank you,” he murmurs and, before Molly can ask what that thank you is for, his lips are occupied and his eyes are closing in delight.

 

Caleb is a warm lover, despite the fact that he's human and his temperature runs colder than Molly's. His kisses are full of heat, though not the passionate one, but almost as if his lust were made of fire. He licks into Molly's mouth and he breathes out as they part and his breath washes over the tiefling, making him dizzy with want. His face is so close and Molly feels scorching as Caleb pushes him on his back and moves between his legs.

 

It's stuffy, in his room, with Caleb and him kissing on his warm, warm bed. Molly's already starting to sweat and he is starting to feel the remnants of Caleb's cum on his hair as he runs a hand through it, making him wince but -

 

But gods _ damn _ , was it hot.

 

“You gonna fuck me again?” Molly breathes, spreading his legs as Caleb pulls one of his thighs up.

 

“I actually want to rim you, I've heard it's very pleasurable and I want to make you come hard,” Caleb hums, as if he were talking about the weather. 

 

“That'd be amazing,” Molly says breathlessly, eyes wide just thinking about Caleb between his thighs.

 

“Or maybe I could fuck you in the shower. I've never done it standing up,” Caleb shrugs as he presses his thumb against Molly's furled hole, rubbing there.

 

Molly whines at that, his half-hard cock twitching. “Darling, don't tease me like that -”

 

“You like it,” he smiles, laughing softly. “So don't complain,  _ liebling _ .”

 

“What does  _ lieb - ah! _ ”

 

Molly cuts himself off as Caleb presses his thumb in, dry, and it doesn't burn as much as it should, because all Molly can feel is Caleb's hand squeezing the back of his knee and Caleb's stubble rubbing against the inside of his thigh.

 

“Eyes open,  _ ja? _ ” Caleb whispers, commanding but doing so gently. 

 

Molly swallows, looking down between his legs as Caleb begins to press messy, open-mouthed kisses to the inside of Molly's thigh, licking over every suck he gives. 

 

Then he murmurs something Molly doesn't understand and -

 

“Oh,  _ shit _ ,” Molly gasps as Caleb's thumb suddenly becomes lubricated, pushing in further, merely teasing the tiefling. “Ah!”

 

“I learned it a few weeks ago, by chance,” Caleb’s chest rumbles as he speaks lowly, his eyes on Molly's despite the fact that he doesn't like eye contact and  _ Molly, don't you dare think you're anything special  _ \- “Turns out it is very useful,  _ ja _ ?”

 

“Fuck me, please,” Molly pants instead of giving an answer, and Caleb smiles softly.

 

“I like it when you beg,” he says, so fucking sincere that Molly's entire body gives a violent shudder and a dollop of precome falls into his belly. “Oh - you - like that?”

 

“Keep talking and I may come,” Molly chokes out, his talons gripping the sheets beside his hips.

 

“So… dirty talk is a thing you like,” he nods, as if making a mental note of that. “I'm not - good at that? But I can try, if you'd like.”

 

“Whatever - whatever you're comfortable with, sweetheart,” Molly pants, feeling Caleb’s second finger penetrating him, his mouth moving closer to where he wants it. 

 

“What else do you like?” Caleb asks curiously, offhandedly as he presses two thick fingers into that wonderful little bundle of nerves and Molly shouts and archs off the bed, gasping. “Oh.  _ Oh _ . It's there. Okay.”

 

“Do that again!” Molly moans, trying to spread his legs further but Caleb makes them stay where they are with his upper body strength. 

 

Again -  _ fuck that's hot _ .

 

“Wait,” Caleb chides gently. “Patience is a virtue.”

 

“I left patience in Venice with three kids and an excuse to buy a pack of cigarettes,” Molly replies, gritting his teeth. “Now either you fuck me or -  _ nnnngh, oh please, oh please, oh pleasepleaseplease! Ah! _ ”

 

“ _ Patience _ ,” Caleb repeats, his tone more forceful, his eyes dark as he insistently rubs Molly's sweet spot, making the tiefling writhe on the bed.

 

Molly kicks his feet slightly on the bed, as much as he can with Caleb fucking him with two fingers and lifting his lower body from the bed by the back of his knee, his arm muscles straining. He doesn't have much but  _ by the Moonweaver _ , does Caleb look fucking good.

 

“I'm gonna come if you keep - Caleb,” Molly moans loudly, archs further. “I'm gonna - I'm -” he howls, almost, when a third finger is pushed in, jaw falling open, eyes shut tight. “ _ Ahhhhh! _ ”

 

Then there's a tongue, the rough brush of stubble and Caleb pulls out his fingers only to replace them with his mouth, licking in broad stripes before pressing his tongue inside, his big hands grasping at Molly's thighs and pushing them into further stretch, almost folding Molly in half with an enthusiastic moan.

 

He's going to come - he's going to - fucking  _ hell _ , Molly can't even think with Caleb's penetrating blue gaze on him, on his body, his cock, his ass, his face. He's burning up and Caleb keeps their eyes locked as he slowly pushes at his right thigh a little further up, up, up, towards his stomach, and he's bent and his toes are curling and his tongue is now fucking into him and -

 

Molly comes.

 

He lets out an honest-to-Gods scream as he reaches his orgasm, his body shaking with the intensity of it, eyes rolling back as he feels his cum hitting his fucking  _ chin _ .

 

He tries to breathe afterwards, gulping oxygen in huge mouthfuls to try and get some into his needy lungs. His head is spinning and he tries to focus on Caleb as he comes down, feeling empty all of a sudden.

 

Oh, right. He's pulled his tongue out.

 

“Why’d you stop?” He slurs, reaching with a taloned hand for his partner.

 

“What?” Caleb sounds surprised and amused as Molly pulls him closer, trying to messily kiss him, finding his beard wet and his lips bruised and red. “Pelor’s beard, Molly, you've just come, and you want more?” he laughs into his lips.

 

“You haven't come yet,” Molly whispers, trying to sit up, but his body’s turned to jello. “Nngh, it feels so good -”

 

“I can take care of myself,” Caleb reassures softly, his hand running through Molly's chin to clean the stripe of semen there. “Don't worry about it.”

 

“But I don't want you to take care of yourself, I want you to use me,” Molly whines. “I'm like, opened up and all! It's a waste!”

 

“It'll hurt, so no, Molly, I won't -”

 

“I like that.”

 

There's a pause, silence there. Caleb stares at him with intense blues, eyes wide, his hand frozen on his cheek as Molly licks his lips and whispers between them.

 

“I like a bit of a burn when I'm penetrated. Spanking too. Choking, sometimes, depends on the person. I've my limits but to be fucked after having an orgasm? Sounds like a good deal to me,” he purrs.

 

“Mollymauk,” Caleb chokes out, and Molly feels the man’s persistent hardness throb against his own hip. “How can you be so shameless?”

 

“You've rimmed me to oblivion, and now you're shy?” Molly laughs. “Oh, cute. You're one of those people who are fine  _ doing _ it but - the moment someone says it out loud? Red in the face. I bet you actually enjoy dirty talk.”

 

“Molly -” Caleb starts, but whines as one of Molly's talons swipes across his nipple, hard and a dusty brown. 

 

“We should absolutely have a talk about limits and this is probably irresponsible but the lube’s on the floor and I'm able to bend as far as you'd like,” the tiefling suggests.

 

“Fuck,” Caleb mutters, along with a sentence in Zemnian which he doesn't understand, and soon enough Molly's being kissed within an inch of his life, cum smearing between them, Caleb's fingers moving back inside him. “You're so - loose -  _ scheisse _ -”

 

“Yes, yes, all for you,” Molly moans, trying to pull him closer, his hips bucking to the quick rhythm Caleb is setting. “Come on, 'm ready, I'm ready, just fuck me already -”

 

“No, safety - where's the lube? And condom? I won't fuck you raw without getting checked first,” Caleb sighs as he looks around the bedding for lube and honestly? Safe sex shouldn't be so hot but it fucking is and Molly is  _ here _ for it.

 

“Do you want me on my back, boring missionary, or…?” Molly trails off as Caleb finds the lube and grabs a condom from his night table, his eyes eager as he hears Molly speak. “What's your favorite position, baby boy?’

 

“What's yours?” Caleb retorts as he warms up the lube and throws the condom on Molly’s sticky chest, grinning when Molly moans as his fingers find his ass again, pushing in deftly. 

 

“M-mine are multiple,” he stutters, toes curling, talons entangling into the sheets by Caleb's hips, one of his fingers digging into a skinny hip just to feel him tremble. “I like being bent over. I like it against walls. On tables. I like having my face pushed into the floor while I'm getting fucked from behin -”

 

“By Melora, Molly,” Caleb gasps, groaning as he takes himself in hand and starts pumping slowly. “You're quite dirty.”

 

“Oh, trust me, this isn't even the beginning,” Molly laughs, breath hitching when Caleb warningly taps his sweet spot. He's oversensitive and he feels a bit like he could slip into subspace but - well, that hasn't happened with anyone. Just himself. So he'll be fine.

 

“I like it when my partner rides me,” Caleb confesses to Molly as the sun begins to filter through the window, making his skin glow golden. Molly's throat works and he grins, but then Caleb pushes a third finger and his brain fogs up. “Backwards.”

 

Oh, Gods, Molly's doomed. He's doomed.

 

“Want me to ride you like a cowgirl, darling?” He shows his canines as he grins, and he means for it to be smug and seductive but his voice is shaking and he's not sure what's pain and what's pleasure at this point.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb hums. “I think you'd look pretty, though I… I've never done it. But the thought turns me on a lot.”

 

“I'm getting all your firsts, huh?” Molly grins, giddy with the idea.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb says softly, hiding a smile behind a curtain of hair.

 

Molly laughs softly and manages to place his hands on Caleb's cheeks, smiling at him as he gently coaxes him to look up. 

 

How he adores that small smile, that gentle crinkle of his eyes. How lovely he is.

 

“Lemme get on top. C’mon,” he sits up, sighing at the loss of Caleb's fingers, grasping the condom that almost falls from his chest. “Reverse, then?”

 

“I… I'd like to see your face.” Caleb says softly. “Maybe another day?”

 

Molly melts against Caleb, nodding - at this point, Caleb could tell him that he wanted the moon and Molly would give it to him. 

 

The tiefling kisses the human slowly as he arranges the right position, throwing his leg over Caleb's hip, smiling as Caleb shudders and grasps his hips, looking tentative.

 

“Hey, after this, you wanna eat breakfast at a small little Draconian joint?” Molly blurts out before he takes the condom.

 

Caleb startles, eyes wide as he looks at Molly for a second before nodding, looking baffled but… happy.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” he says, a slow smile spreading through his face. “ _ Ja _ , I'd - I'd like that.”

 

“Oh, good,” Molly smiles widely, that bubbly feeling in his chest making him slightly dizzy. Maybe it's because he's getting hard again.

 

Caleb smiles softly, but he quickly drops that for a soft moan as Molly grasps his cock and begins to slowly pump him - he's so hard already, it isn't necessary, but Molly enjoys seeing that lovely look of pleasure on his face.

 

“Ready, darling?” He purrs, eyelids drooping to make them more enticing as he rolls the condom over him.

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb swallows, eyes wide as Molly grasps him gently and raises himself on his knees, slowly lowering his body with a happy sigh. “Oh -  _ ah… _ ”

 

“A bit deeper, huh?” Molly pants slightly, trying not to move for Caleb's sake. The burn is  _ exquisite _ and he's ready to ride this mage much like Fjord rides the mechanical bull on Mabon and Lughnasadh. “ _ Fuck _ , you feel bigger…”

 

“You're -” Caleb swallows, groans as Molly shuffles a little. “ _ Ja _ . M-move.”

 

“You sure?” Molly cocks an eyebrow, grinning hard enough to show his sharp canines.

 

Caleb's hands move to his hips, squeezing, and with a nudge of his thumb on Molly’s Devil Card tattoo, he begins to move slowly.

 

At first he's just grinding, trying to find a rhythm, watching Caleb's lashes as they touch the tops of his cheekbones, his mouth parted, pleasure showing on his face.

 

Molly's tempted to grab his Polaroid and take a picture and - isn't that a great though? Taking pictures of Caleb to keep close to him, physically, in his hands, in his pockets. Maybe hang them in his room so when he wakes he could maybe feel like things are okay for once.

 

“You're teasing,” Caleb rasps, cursing in Zemnian as Molly gives a hard grind, smiling wide. “ _ You devilish  _ -”

 

“I'm a tiefling, it's in my nature,” Molly mocks before moving his hands from Caleb’s chest to his stomach, running his talons through the ginger hair there before lifting himself up and dropping down slowly, moaning. “Oh, shit, that feels -”

 

“Stop  _ talking _ and move,” Caleb growls, his hands crisping on Molly's hips and, before the tiefling realizes, Caleb's using his upper strength to move him up and down his cock, making him choke out a whine.

 

“Yes!” He gasps, following Caleb's hectic rhythm. “Oh, fuck!”

 

“Come on,” Caleb sits up, one arm moving around Molly's waist while the other one finds his cl -

 

Cock.

 

His cock. That's -

 

“Keep going,” Molly moans, swallowing down the sudden anxiety rising up on his chest, smelling only Caleb, feeling only Caleb. “ _ Fuck me _ .”

 

“Molly - Molly, you're not -” Caleb slows as he probably feels Molly not… not hard. As he should be. “Hey, you okay? Molly?”

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Molly gasps, clutching at Caleb's sides. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I -”

 

“It's okay,” he whispers into his ear, his hand hesitant as it moves from Molly's waist to his curls, gently stroking through them. “Was it - was it something I did?”

 

Molly hugs him tight, shakes his head.

 

“Okay, um - was it something I said?” He questions. He's so  _ soft _ , so nice, what did Molly do to deserve this man in his bed? In his life?

 

“No,” he croaks out. “I just - all of a sudden -”

 

“It was just a thought and you spiraled,” Caleb finishes gently, and Molly whines as he feels his heart stutter because of _ of course Caleb understands, he always does _ . “You want to take a shower? No sex stuff, just… comfort. And touching, if you're okay with that. Then we get breakfast and maybe come back and watch a movie?”

 

“You're - so fucking good to me, yes,” Molly breathes out, the backs of his eyes burning with gratitude. “You always know what to say.”

 

“It's - come on,” Caleb stands, eyes on the floor. 

 

He can't accept compliments but - it's okay. It's okay. He doesn't need to change, he's good.

 

Molly sniffles. He sighs. And then he takes Caleb's hand.

 


	8. the beginning, we were winning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't begin to say how happy I am with the response I've been getting from all of you - I got fanart!!! There was an amazing amount of people on the Widomauk Discord that seemed to love this story!!
> 
> So please, please, do leave your feedback and keep it up because it fuels my love for this story!!
> 
> Also, WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: some mild self harm, nothing explicit, but thought you guys should know. Go to notes below to see what type of you think you could be triggered!

“ _ You always know what to say. _ ”

 

Caleb slams his head against the wall and grits his teeth, self-hatred bubbling inside him as the water runs through his hair and body, washing away the smell of sex and comfort and confidence that he'd drenched himself on this morning, his hands shaking.

 

“Fucking  _ selfish _ ,” he spits out, blood coating his mouth as he does that again - and again - and again until he feels a bump on the side of his head and he's satisfied enough to slides to the floor and cry himself hoarse.

 

It's hard to get rid of bad habits, and Caleb has quite a few. He screams into the vacancy of his bathroom as everything threatens to overwhelm him, turning his mind into a warzone where the only things he can hear are himself and Aeodwulf and Astrid, their two matching sneers, the burning look of Trent Ikithon behind them.

 

But he can also see Molly there, laughing into his lips and squirming when he tickled him in the shower and smiling as they enjoy breakfast and grinning as Caleb tells a joke and  _ you're so nice to me you're so nice to me you understand and you're fantastic and. _

 

_ And. _

 

He screams and cries and plants his feet on the floor, anger and desperation crawling through his throat into ugly sobs that make his heart burn because  _ no he's not no he's not he's using you he's using you he's being selfish I'm so selfish Mollymauk I'm so sorry I'm such a fucking - _

 

There's screaming, more of it, this time not from him, and he feels hands on him and he's kicking and struggling and maybe he punches the one who's trying to get to him but please don't touch him, nobody touch him, nobody  _ get close to him, he's garbage, I'm garbage, I'm - _

 

Caleb blinks.

 

“There you are,” Nott croaks out quietly, giving him a lopsided smile full of teeth. Her cheek is bruised and her lip has blood in it. Caleb sucks in air. “You were gone for a while. I got a bit worried for a moment.”

 

He's in his pajamas, apparently. He's comfortable and soft and his hair’s still wet but not much. He looks at his lap, watches his bruised and raw hands. There's little wounds on his knuckles, he knows because they stain the thin bandages around them, probably put in by Nott.

 

Caleb swallows. He doesn't deserve her.

 

“How you feeling?” she asks. She's still touching his face but he diet mind, because she's using a wet sponge to get the blood out. He must've hit his head harder than he thought. “Y’got a nasty bump there. Wanna talk about it?”

 

“ _ Nein _ ,” he rasps, feeling like crying all over again. Nott nods. Then Caleb sobs, chokes on his dishonesty and self-hatred as he wheezes out, “Nott _ , I'm a garbage person _ .”

 

“You are not,” she says firmly, grasping his wrists harshly as he tries to hide behind his hands, starting to cry. “Was it Ikithon again? Caleb, I told you to stop going! He's using you! He's forcing you to -”

 

“I can't!” He cries out. “He'll tell authorities! The Zemni Fields are no longer part of the Empire! I'd be - I'd be kicked out! Nott, I can't go back!”

 

“He's the one who got illegal immigrants here! He should pay the price, not you!” She squeaks out, angry as she throws the sponge to the floor. “Tell authorities! Tell -”

 

“Who's gonna have pity for a gay, autistic, illegal immigrant, Nott?” He croaks, tears dripping off his chin. “Who gives a fuck about me? Or you? Or any of the people in this building who get by with laws made for minorities?”

 

“Gay? Caleb, you're bi,” Nott frowns, then glares. “Have they been talking again?!”

 

“I fucked a man, I'm gay, Nott, I'm gay,” he spits out angrily.

 

“Wait, wait, wait, what?! Who did you fuck?! Did they take care of you, are you - wait, fucking a man doesn't make you only gay, Caleb! You're still bisexual!” She's all over the place, confused and panicky and not knowing where to begin.

 

“I don't even know if he's a man,” he sobs, crying into his hands. “Nott, I used him! I used him to prove a point and he's so very nice and he's going through so much shit and  _ I'm such a shit _ -”

 

“Hey, hey,” Nott’s voice turns gentler, softer, her lovely goblin paws cupping his face as he ugly sobs. “You're not a shit person, okay? Come on, tell me everything from the start. We can work things out,” she smiles softly. “Together.”

 

How he loves her crooked teeth. And her yellow, big eyes and her strange big ears and the toe beans on her hand, which she lets him touch even though she's ticklish there - she squirms a little but still lets him fiddle around with them.

 

When he finishes, she's quiet - the way people are quiet when they're thinking about what to say and he already knows she disapproves by the way she furrows her brow.

 

“So you… trust this guy?” She begins slowly.

 

“I - I don't know,” Caleb confesses, eyes on Nott’s little toebean on her pinkie. “He's… how would you say it? Ah… genuine? He's not hiding,” he says lamely, swallowing.  _ Like me _ is something that goes unsaid. “I like him.”

 

“Enough to fuck him,” Nott adds, and Caleb blushes and looks away, nodding. “Don't look away now! You're doing great! You don't let people touch you much…”

 

“I wanted his touch,” Caleb confesses softly, face scrunching up. “I-I can't explain it. He just… he makes me feel comfortable. Even if it's just for a few minutes.”

 

Quiet. Nott shifts and since he isn't looking, he cannot even try to guess what she's thinking. Not that he'd be any good at it, anyway. 

 

“Do you really like this guy?” She asks, her small paw moving to his hand, squeezing when he turns it and accepts her touch. “Because it sounds like you do.”

 

“I… I do,” he swallows. “I really do.”

 

He likes his smile. He likes his flashy clothes and jewelry and the way he laughs and the way he moans. He likes how he looks with water rolling down his body, the tattoos on his back, which he's kisses and bit at. He has so many flowers, too colorful to even focus on. 

 

Mollymauk Tealeaf is a lot to take in and he's been swallowing mouthfuls of him since August - and now he has his hands full as well. He's smelled and tasted and touched him. And Molly has let him in, let him hold his hand as he had a panic attack in the middle of sex.

 

That's more than what anyone deserves, let alone  _ him _ .

 

Caleb, who has spied on him shamelessly. Caleb, who has seen him harm himself and choke himself on smoke and fuck himself on a plastic cock. Private moments that nobody should've witnessed yet Caleb is here, Caleb has seen them and he feels  _ awful _ .

 

He should never see Molly again. Not when he knows he'll end up disappointing him, knows that Molly will find out,  _ knowing _ that Mollymauk will be hurt.

 

He can picture it already, his tears, his lower lip quivering, the fragility in his eyes and his delicate hands. Gods, does Caleb adore those hands.

 

“It's okay to want things,” Nott says softly, her voice gentle, and Caleb feels a pang in his heart.

 

He  _ wants _ Molly. He wants the smiles and the horrid Draconian food he likes and the cute little snort he gives when he finds something funny and - 

 

He  _ wants wants wants. _ Caleb wants.

 

Gods, he's making a mistake -

 

“Okay,” he whispers. “ _ Ja,  _ okay.”

 

Nott grins, rubbing his thigh with excited paws, and he smiles a little at her excitement. Let her think he's getting better. Let her think he could ever forgive himself for all the things he's done. The things he's doing. The things he will do.

 

“Okay, but does he treat you right?” She suddenly growls, ears up in sharp attention.

 

“Oh,  _ ja _ ,” he nods, blushing a little. “He's… hes sweet. And kind. And he has bipolar disorder, so he knows what's like to have depression.”

 

“He's bipolar?” Her eyes turn a bit more understanding. “Okay, and you said - you said you don’t even know if he's a guy?”

 

“I… I heard the tail end of a conversation between him and his best friend,” Caleb whispers quietly, pressing into her biggest toe bean, and Nott giggles, making him smile slightly. “He apparently… is hiding that he's trans? All I know is that he said he doesn't want to be like  _ him _ , which I don't know who that is, so…” he shrugs. “ _ Ja _ .”

 

“Sounds like he's confused - they, I guess,” she shrugs. “Being trans is strange, y’know. Sometimes you're as sure as you can be and other times you've a little  _ what if _ in your head.”

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” he nods, blinks sluggishly. “I'm - I'm gonna get dressed. Talk to him.”

 

“Caleb, it's almost one in the morning,” Nott snickers as Caleb's head whips around to watch her. “You were out of it for a long time.”

 

“I - “ he sighs. “I'm going to bed.”

 

“You do that,” she nods. “You got morning class tomorrow?”

 

“ _ Ja _ , at eight,” he winces. “I better get to bed.”

 

“Have a good night. Take an Advil for your head!” She adds as he stands and stumbles a little, woozy. “You really did a number on your head. Be careful, okay?”

 

“Okay,” he nods slowly.

 

He takes the Advil, calls Frumpkin, goes to bed and tries not to think about how he wishes he had a warm body cuddling into his, like last night.

 

It's so bad, he thinks as he rubs his eyes and tries not to cry, to go from a night of touching and warmth and laughter and comfort to… this. What he's had for years. Lonely, cold, miserable on his own bed.

 

He wants Molly's body curled into his front, his tail wrapped around his calf, his talons running through his chest, his breath washing over his skin. He can even feel Molly's purr against his side, his fingers longing for hot, silky skin.

 

Caleb groans, dropping his arms to the sides. 

 

This fucking  _ sucks. _

 

He sighs and ends up giving in, vision going blurry for a second before he feels Frumpkin  _ mrreow _ , stretch, then jump to the windowsill, moving through the outside of the building. By now he knows where it'll take him, every step, every move.

 

He hears the music before Frumpkin arrives. It's a piano and, for a moment, he thinks it may be Mollymauk but soon it becomes clear that it is not - he owns no piano. And he doesn't play any instrument, that he knows.

 

But he's awake. And he can see it, from the living room window, see Molly curled up on the couch, his head resting on the various bohemian throw pillows he has. He's wearing nothing but his underwear, probably tried to go to bed like Caleb. 

 

He's listening to music on his laptop, the notes drifting sweetly, and it's a melancholic and sad song. It relaxes Caleb's body slightly but he -

 

Molly's crying.

 

He's quiet, he isn't sobbing or anything but tears are softly streaming down his face. From time to time, he sniffles, rubbing at his wet eye, curling up further.

 

He looks so small, so fragile. Caleb's chest aches for him and with a thought, Frumpkin's is coming back and he's already moving out of his room.

 

The human doesn't pause on the front door of the seventh floor at all, this time. He just knocks and waits for the owner to answer, feeling nervousness creep up him as time passes.

 

What if Mollymauk doesn't want him around? What if he wants trust Caleb enough to cry with him, or be comforted by him? What if -

 

“Caleb?” Molly croaks out, confused as he watches his… friend? Lover? What do you call someone you fuck? “I - did you -”

 

“I can't sleep,” Caleb says softly.

 

Realization dawns on Molly, and for a moment Caleb can see the relief making his shoulders sag. He lets out a welcoming little smile and steps back, opening the door wider.

 

“My bed’s colder,” Caleb murmurs as the door closes. “And I thought - I thought  _ hey, maybe  _ -”

 

“Come on,” Molly interrupts with a small chuckle, grasping his hand - which Caleb for some reason  _ likes _ \- and pulling him into the familiar bedroom. “We can't… I mean, Yasha’s asleep and you know I'm loud, so -”

 

“I just want to sleep,” Caleb whispers.

 

Molly's face crisps with something he doesn't understand, but he takes it as something good because as Molly shuts the door of his bedroom, he gives Caleb’s hand a squeeze.

 

“I want to sleep too,” he murmurs, looking down at his feet with a small smile.

 

The tears suit him much better when he's smiling. Caleb thinks he could get used to seeing that soft look on his face, accompanied by the small step he takes towards Caleb, looking hesitant. He wants something, Caleb realizes, and with a zing of excitement and happiness, he realizes that Molly wants a  _ kiss _ .

 

They've kissed before - they've done  _ so much more  _ than kissing but - but this feels different.

 

So he takes Molly's face between shaky hands and kisses him as sweetly as he can, swallowing down the sigh the tiefling lets out with great pleasure and comfort. 

 

It tastes different, this one. It may be the fact that Molly's left the music on, muffled and soft, or the glow of safe magic candles ever burning in his room, or the soft rug under his bare feet or the fact that he can taste salt on Molly's soft, soft lips.

 

His heart gives a painful beat as Molly sobs once.

 

Only once.

 

And then they part.

 

“Let's sleep,” he whispers, brushing away Molly's tears. “ _ Ja _ ?”

 

“ _ Ja _ ,  _ ja _ ,” Molly nods.

 

“Oh, that's cute,” he chuckles, loves seeing the grin on Molly's face, his soft giggle.

 

Caleb knows this feeling, and he ignores it as he moves to the bed and lets the taller man be the little spoon. He wraps Molly in his arms and almost cried at how nice it feels to touch warm, soft skin instead of empty bedsheets. Molly's head rests on his chest and those talons move under his shirt hesitantly to rest on his stomach when Caleb gives him the okay.

 

“Goodnight, Mollymauk,” he whispers.

 

“Goodnight, Mr Caleb,” Molly mutters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caleb slams his head quite a couple times against the wall of the shower! Read safely!


End file.
